IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries the average weight of people in increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve it?

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In some countries, it is noticeable that
people
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 are suffering from increasing their average
weight
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 and have a low level of fitness. The subsequent paragraphs will explore the reasons why
people
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 struggling with the
issue
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 of
weight
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increasing
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increase
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 and will suggest some measures to tackle
this
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issue
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 effectively.
To begin
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 with, the reasons why
people
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 struggle with increasing their average
weight
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 and having a lower level of fitness could be attributed to the following. The primary one is the sedentary
lifestyle
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style
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 of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 large percentage of
people
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. To clarify,
people
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 are using their cars and public transportation
instead
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 of walking to go to their work. A second reason to add is that eating too much fast foods which consist mainly of fats and carbs. To illustrate, fast foods contain high amounts of calories.
Therefore
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,
people
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 will be obese and have some diseases. To tackle
this
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 problem, there are several measures could be taken. The first suggested solution is that
practicing
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practising
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 sports regularly. To clarify, it helps
people
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 to keep their bodies fit burns fats and
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevents
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 increasing their
weight
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as a result
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. A vital solution to the obesity problem is following a healthy diet
lifestyle
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style
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 by focusing on eating protein, vegetables and fruits
instead
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 of eating fast foods. In conclusion, the
issue
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 of obesity could be attributed to a sedentary
lifestyle
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style
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 and eating too much fast food.
However
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, to tackle
this
Linking Words
issue
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,
people
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 should be
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 sports regularly and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
following a healthy diet
lifestyle
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style
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 focusing on eating protein
instead
Linking Words
 of fats.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, but it's important to elaborate more on the causes and measures with specific examples and clear explanations. Try to provide more depth in your responses.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure and has clear paragraphs. However, there is some repetition. Avoid using the same phrases like 'lifestyle style' and ensure each sentence adds unique value to your points.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs which make it easy to follow.
task achievement
The main points are supported by relevant examples, which enhances clarity and helps in understanding your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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