IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #books #store #internet #development
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These days, books have been superseded by the
Internet
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 when it comes to intelligence storage. In my opinion, the drawbacks of
this
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 trend are greater than its benefits. On the one hand, storing education on the
Internet
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 is greatly beneficial.
To begin
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 with, the
Internet
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 allows people to access awareness from an immense number of sources. With the help of search engines like Google or Firefox,
internet
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 users can explore content on various topics with a couple of mouse clicks.
Therefore
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, they can get access to data immediately anywhere, which is cheaper, much more convenient and time-saving compared to looking for the same amount of observation from printed books.
In addition
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, awareness on the
Internet
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 is stored in different formats, which helps learners absorb the
information
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 more effectively. Unlike
statement
Fix the agreement mistake
statements
show examples
, which present
information
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 in the form of texts or images only, the
Internet
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 provides learners with philosophy in both texts and digital forms like audio or videos. Auditory learners,
for example
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, would find learning via podcasts, which are common on many websites, more useful than reading charge.
On the other hand
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, I believe that storing knowledge on the
Internet
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 brings about more significant disadvantages.
First,
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the reliability of
information
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 on the web is not guaranteed. Since anything can be posted on the
Internet
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 without verification, there are many unreliable sources which deliver inaccurate knowledge, making it hard for an average user to differentiate between true and false
information
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.
Moreover
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, digital piracy is another problem when it comes to online grasp storage. The
Internet
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 has paved the way for the boom in copyright infringements in the
last
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 decade. Tons of websites are distributing pirated, free electronic reports to increase their web traffic, which can help them earn money from running online advertisements.
Such
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 illegal distribution is difficult to control and causes the publishing industry to lose millions of dollars every year. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of storing expertise online are outweighed by its drawbacks.
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task achievement
To enhance the reliability of your arguments, replace terms like 'awareness' with more appropriate words like 'knowledge' or 'information.'
task achievement
For clarity, consider replacing words like 'statement' with 'books' or 'texts,' and 'charge' with 'books' or 'texts.'
task achievement
Ensure that your points are well-supported with specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This may include the use of transitional phrases and better linking of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with word choices; some terms used in your essay were inappropriate or ambiguous, affecting comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.
task achievement
You've made a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the Internet.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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