IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

scientists should stop using animals as experiments . discuss both views

#scientists #animals #experiments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Propents
Correct your spelling
Proponents
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists have to stop using
creatures
 living in wildlife for their experiments, as they have to suffer excruciating pain
as a result
 of
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 effects of
practice
Add an article
the practice
show examples
.
While
 other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
 of individuals feel
this
practice
 has pros for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind as
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 DNA has quite resemblances with human
beings
. To commence with,
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
 blood has many
resemblance
Change to a plural noun
resemblances
show examples
 with respect to human
beings
.
Therefore
, to see
that that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the respective effects of new medicines wildlife
creatures
 are good epitomes for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human society. In
this
 way, medical practitioners can know, which
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
 is 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 safe for the human being and which is not.
For instance
,
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
medicine to become perfectly stable for a human body, it has to go through different stages, and in each
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 medicine has to
injected
Add a missing verb
be injected
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a living body to see results. If scientists start using human
beings
 for
this
 research,
then
 individuals have to go through different stages of pain, and in some cases loss of lives.
For example
 -
Mouses
Fix the agreement mistake
Mice
show examples
 and dogs are mostly used in experiments, as it has almost many similarities with human
beings
Change noun form
beings'
being's
show examples
 blood cells, and these
animals
 are more in population in every region of the world which leads to no risk of extinction to
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 particular animal breed.
On the contrary
 side,
animals
 are
also
 living
creatures
. They
also
 have emotions and feelings. When experiments are performed on them, they have to suffer severe pain . In some cases, the adverse effects are so worse
such
 as
Correct article usage
the animals
show examples
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
 skin
started
Verb problem
apply
show examples
shrinking, itching on body parts,
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
thee
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
eyesight, unable to digest any food, and
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to perform any activity.
However
, some of the
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 campaigns
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been performed to stop
this
practice
.
For example
- Andro named community has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
filed a case
on
Change preposition
against
show examples
 one of the pharmaceutical
firm
Fix the agreement mistake
firms
show examples
 as they were performing
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 on
animal
Correct article usage
an animal
show examples
 breed which is on the verge of extinction.
As a result
, the company licence got cancelled and they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 fined a hefty amount. To recapitulate, experimentation is necessary
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to get more medicines in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society which can be used to treat human
beings
 for
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
show examples
 of diseases.
However
, the
practice
 on animal
creatures
 who are already who are already in less amount
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be avoided.
Submitted by krmdhillon26 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Try using linking words and phrases such as 'Moreover', 'However', and 'On the other hand' to create a more seamless flow.
task response
Develop the main points more thoroughly, providing more specific examples or evidence where possible. For example, explaining more about how animal testing has directly benefited medical advancements can strengthen your argument.
coherence
Ensure that the introduction clearly sets out the main points that will be discussed in the essay. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the key arguments without introducing new information.
task response
The essay addresses both views on the topic, which shows a balanced approach and understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task response
The use of specific examples (e.g., effects on animals, Andro community case) helps to illustrate the points and give concrete evidence to support the arguments.
coherence
The essay attempts to logically structure the arguments, discussing one side of the issue before the other. This helps in understanding the perspectives clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: