Nowadays a lot of important is given to the dress and appearance of celebrities, however, some people feel it is completely unnecessary. What is your opinion?
It is undeniable that
beauty
and fashion are important for TV personalities as they are always under
the Change preposition
at
center
of Change the spelling
centre
attention
. However
, some people think that these aspects are not necessay
in reality and they should not pay so much Correct your spelling
necessary
attention
on
them. From my perspective, I Change preposition
to
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
this
statement as their actions and behaviours are significantly influent
on their fans and followers. Replace the word
influential
Therefore
, this
essay intends to discuss how their action can affect the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, nowadays the
famous stars mainly focus on their appearance to gain public recognition. Their Correct article usage
apply
beauty
standards has
been changed through how they dress up. Change the verb form
have
Therefore
, they tend to wear the
luxury clothes and use Correct article usage
apply
the
expensive cosmetics to brag Correct article usage
apply
their
Change preposition
about their
beauty
. After that, they share their stories on social media. In this
ways
, they find the increased subscription. Fix the agreement mistake
way
In addition
, they dare to do even dangerous surgeries to be more beautiful.
On the other hand
, their actions can lead to materialistic
society. Correct article usage
a materialistic
For example
, they are role models Change preposition
for
of
their fans, who are interested in their idols' Change preposition
for
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
lifestyle
. They tend to imitate Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
the
Correct article usage
apply
similiar
behaviour. Since celebrities heavily rely on Correct your spelling
similar
on
materials, they definitely want to do so. Remove the redundancy
apply
Consequently
, they will ask allowances
from their parents to purchase them. If their parents are not Change preposition
for allowances
affordable
to shell out, they will resort to petty crime to earn money in an alternative way. Correct word choice
able
Hence
, I think celebrities should not pay too much attention
on
materialism.
Change preposition
to
To sum up
, it can be reiterated that beauty
and apperance
are important for actors and actresses for Correct your spelling
appearance
Correct article usage
the audient's
audient's
Correct your spelling
audience's
attention
. However
, their behaviour negatively influence
on their followers, so their Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
beauty
standard
should not depend on materials.Fix the agreement mistake
standards
Submitted by ayepwintphyu02 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Personal anecdotes or well-known instances involving celebrities will make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there are smooth transitions between your ideas and paragraphs for better coherence and flow.
general
Address any minor inaccuracies or grammatical issues to enhance the clarity of your ideas. This will help in achieving consistency throughout your essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a coherent overall structure.
content
The main points are relevant and are logically developed, showing a good understanding of the topic.
support
The use of reasons to support the main argument makes the essay persuasive and focused.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!