IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The imbalance situation as more people compete in core careers. Education should be free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is an increase in the number of students enrolling in core majors since many colleges have implemented free admission fees for everyone.
This
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 scheme has cultivated a highly qualified workforce and promoted scientific development. In
this
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 essay, I
also
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 discuss some cons of
this
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 scheme and explain why I still agree with it. On the one hand, free
education
Use synonyms
 could generate more beneficial returns than charging tuition fees.
Initially
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, more adolescents would pursue their academic career paths rather than participate in vocational training programs.
As a result
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, numerous qualified graduates might stimulate scientific development.
For example
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, the significant financial resources allocated for subsidizing
education
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 by America's parliament are responsible for the number of intellectual licenses, which keep them in a leadership position in most scientific areas.
Furthermore
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, proponents believe that financial educational assistance will provide equal opportunities for hardworking students in poverty by reducing financial pressure on learners and their families. Many industrialized countries,
such
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 as Australia, have educational systems that are free for all citizens.
Consequently
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, there was a twofold increase in the number of scientific Australian bachelors since implementing free admission fees in their academic institutions.
On the other hand
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, free
education
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 still has minor drawbacks. The foremost issue is that people might lose motivation as they do not deliberately consider what field to pursue.
In other words
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, they lack responsibility in choosing majors and dedicating efforts to justify the government's monetary sponsorship. Specifically, people have prioritized core occupations, including Information Technology and Banking Finance
due to
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 extraordinary salaries and exceptional welfare.
This
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 imbalance has generated higher competition in these core jobs
while
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 creating a shortage of workforce in other occupations.
For instance
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, more Australian undergraduates have dropped out of their academic routes as they recognized their chosen job was not suitable for them.
Therefore
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,
this
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 cannot be considered the optimal method because it leads to the waste of public finances and resources.
To conclude
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, despite some cons of free
education
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, including the waste of resources and imbalance in recruitment markets, I still agree with
this
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 scheme as it trains high-quality bachelors and promotes the acquisition of intellectual licenses.

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task achievement
Strive to maintain motivation and responsibility among students even in a free education system. Consider policies or mechanisms, such as career counseling or conditional funding based on academic performance, to ensure students remain dedicated to their chosen fields. Further detailing how these can be implemented could add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by using stronger transition phrases. Sometimes the essay feels a bit segmented. Work on making smoother transitions between points to improve the overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
A slight refinement in phrasing would make your writing even more polished and nuanced. For instance, instead of saying 'generate more beneficial returns than charging tuition fees,' you could say 'yield greater benefits compared to tuition-based systems.' This touch of sophistication in language can elevate the quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. It effectively sets up the premise and follows through with well-supported arguments.
task achievement
Your use of real-life examples, such as the educational investments in America and Australia, adds weight and authenticity to your arguments. This greatly enhances the task response.
task achievement
You have successfully covered both the pros and cons of free education, which shows a balanced perspective and a thorough understanding of the topic. This is crucial for a high score in task achievement.
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