IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
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Information Age, technological communication has disadvantages in relationships in the community. The writer disagrees with
this
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 statement for some reasons convenience and less separation between each person. It must be recognized that in modern society there is a strong development in technology, especially in improving the speed of the internet.
This
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 has led to social media platforms becoming popular with citizens who can contact others by phone or message depending on their network.
For example
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, the proportion of using smartphones is higher than before in all ages, the most important purpose is to keep in touch with relatives, colleagues or partners in various fields.
Consequently
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, relying on technology, social relationships are developed by various methods to save time for busy workers. Another reason for
this
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 statement is easily to meet someone despite the distance which is
barrier
Add an article
a barrier
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 for adults
while
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 they have hectic schedules in our community .
In other words
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, learning new things like using equipment helps the older familiar with their children, avoiding
dull
Replace the word
dullness
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 during old age time.
For instance
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, it is easy to FaceTime or send images to human beings everywhere just by smartphone through social apps
such
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 as Zalo, Facebook and Messenger.
As a result
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, it has a positive effect on society to cope with lonely in senior citizens and
recharging
Wrong verb form
recharge
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 their energy after a long day. Taking everything into account, relationships between people are improving by technological development in novel society.
Hence
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, it is necessary to distinguish between the benefits and drawbacks of that method to not be dependent on it.
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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, ensure that your key points and arguments are clearly connected. Consider using more discourse markers and transitional phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Try to present your ideas in a more organized way. An introduction should clearly state your opinion, followed by body paragraphs with specific points and examples, and a conclusion that summarizes your main arguments.
task achievement
While your examples are largely relevant, try to be more specific and provide further details to illustrate your points more clearly. This will help in making your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and showcases both the positive aspects of modern communication technology.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
What to do next:
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