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Band 7.5

Some people think that the modern communication technologyis having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technologyis #effect #relationships
The relationships in the community are said to be worsened by the way people communicate with cutting-edge technology.
This
 writer believes that
this
 statement is not true
due to
 the convenience of online platforms and to bridge the gap of distance. It must be acknowledged that state-of-the-art social media provide the function of advantageous communication.
In other words
, many modern virtual platforms possess programs that allow users to interact with others throughout the internet by chatting or sharing experiences.
Additionally
, individuals can utilise these apps anywhere within the zone that smart signals can reach which creates convenient conditions to communicate among community who are online.
For example
, a social media software called Facebook now has been downloaded and used in nearly 200 nations that help humans all around the world
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
access and interact with others. Another point worth considering is that utilising modern technological devices supports people to strengthen relationships despite the distance.
Due to
 the fact that almost all residents in the world possess smart devices, they can learn about new information on the rest of the Earth just by accessing the internet sites. People now can chat with others in different states
while
 not having to meet face to face. With the situation that many employees in developing countries who work abroad usually communicate with their relatives through smart gadgets and
also
 send money back to them through banking software. In conclusion,
this
 writer assumes that
this
 is more beneficial in relationships in
this
 digital era
due to
 the unlimited convenience of social media and the extinction of the distance barrier.
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language
While the essay provides a compelling argument, there are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. Working on refining sentence structure and grammar would enhance clarity and readability.
content development
Some ideas can be further elaborated to add more depth to your arguments. For instance, describing specific features of modern technology that foster social relationships could provide additional support.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. This can be done by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear stance, which is maintained throughout.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and clearly restates the opinion, providing a sense of closure.
supporting ideas
The examples provided, such as the mention of Facebook and banking software, are relevant and support the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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