IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
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In light of the proliferation of technology, many assert it may indeed have potential drawbacks to users.
However
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,
this
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 writer leans towards it not only almost offering no disadvantage but
also
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 connecting each other by its features of instantaneous conversations on the internet. It must be acknowledged that numerous conflicts have happened via social networks.
Nevertheless
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, technology cannot be blamed for these faults
such
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 as verbal bullying, but users' cognition.
In other words
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, eschewing direct conversation in favour of internet-based technology would have no considerable disparities. Taking Facebook as an example many individuals suppose toxic behaviours on
this
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 platform might affect the mental well-being of others
while
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 if it was traditional communication, the result would not change because of detrimental characteristics.
Hence
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, social media which is believed to play a negative role in our connection is innocent
whereas
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 the cognition of people does.
Additionally
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, technological gadgets facilitate communication regardless of time constraints and geographical boundaries. It can be translated into avoiding the restrictions of those living in remote areas with their relationships, resulting in a plethora of benefits for both the senders and receivers.
For instance
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, overseas students tend not to travel alone in lieu of with their families and may employ video call applications to contact their families which is more likely to enhance the quality of relationships
besides
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 significant savings of deliveries physical letters and time-consuming. In conclusion, notwithstanding the opinion of drawbacks that modern interaction offers to users, I would opine that the benefits society accrues to
such
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 as instantaneous conversations are far weightier

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear stance, but consider making it slightly more concise and directly addressing the topic without overgeneralization. This will make your position even clearer.
task achievement
Your main points are generally well-supported, but make sure every example given directly ties back to a specific point in your argument. Strengthen the connection between your examples and the main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion attempts to summarize your argument but could be more robust. Reinforce your position strongly in the concluding sentence to leave a lasting impression.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve flow. For example, clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
You have effectively acknowledged opposing views and have explained why you disagree. This demonstrates a balanced approach in presenting your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is quite strong, with distinct paragraphs that cover different aspects of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
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