IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
It is believed that modern
communication
 gadgets affect public relationships
due to
 their drawbacks.
This
 writer agrees that accessible
devices
 can disseminate
information
 and eliminate geographic
distance
.
To begin
, it can be acknowledged that technology for
communication
 disseminates a range of
information
 easily.
This
 is because it contains some items that can connect to the wireless network.
As a result
, people will forward the messages just in a very short time.
For instance
, with smart
devices
, humans can send a lot of files of
information
 rather than sending it through the post office which will take a lot of time.
Therefore
, modern
communication
 gadgets are well-operated and a must-have in
this
 era. It must
also
 be considered that many online conversations unfold regardless of geographic
distance
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that there is a wireless networking system which creates opportunities for inhabitants to discuss together by using small
devices
,
although
 geographic
distance
.
Consequently
, people will access easily and be satisfied with meaningful conversations with their friends and family members,
while
 the gap between countries will be bridged by these tiny
devices
.
According to
 The New York Times, citizens usually make calls to relatives in other countries and send messages through messaging applications
due to
 their convenience and time-saving property.
Thus
, the long-
distance
 relationships will be more close together.
To conclude
, technological
devices
 bring many benefits for humans in
communication
due to
 the richness of
information
 regardless of geographic
distance
.
Hence
, people should be aware of the importance of these
devices
 and utilize them in the future.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the main idea in your introduction is not clearly aligned with the rest of your essay. Make sure your stance is evident throughout.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' will make your ideas flow better.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but you need to make sure all points distinctly support your thesis statement. Reinforce how modern technology affects social relationships, both positively and negatively, if relevant.
task achievement
Avoid redundancy and focus on providing more varied examples or case studies to support your arguments. This will enhance the depth of your response.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the reference to The New York Times, add credibility to your points. Supporting your arguments with reputable sources is a strong technique.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a basic structure to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
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