IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people think that the communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
Many residents have an opinion that using digital devices to communicate with other nations will have a bad effect on the connection between citizens in society.
This
 writer completely disagrees with that opinion. First and foremost, technology has a lot of impact on daily communication between the public and by population. It can be seen that technology can bridge the geographic gap which is the hardest reason for crowds who like for away from their family or friends.
Therefore
, the social relationships of those communities are not only stable but
also
 improve a lot. Overseas students are the best example of
this
 evidence, an enormous number of learners prefer to talk with their family on the phone to save memories and keep the relationship always stable.
Secondly
, modern digital devices can
also
 translate foreign languages for communities that do not have time to learn these languages. Lots of large companies In the world are using the translate app to communicate with their customers
as well as
 possible. With the development of society, many modern translation devices have been created with faster speed and more correct.
Therefore
, technology is an important part of nowadays communication. In conclusion, the digital era has improved a lot in helping citizens to communicate with other people more comfortably. Without worrying about the geographic distance or languages, many residents can feel more confident in daily communication.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, refining your transitions between points can further improve the flow and logical structure.
task achievement
While you have provided relevant examples, expanding on these examples and adding more specific details would strengthen your argument.
language
Some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present. Proofreading and using more complex sentence structures could enhance clarity and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction that presents your main argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay covers the key points of the topic and provides relevant examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
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