IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #society
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A debatable discussion is whether
people
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 communicate with each person by modern
technology
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, has a harmful impact on their relationships. The writer of
this
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 essay totally disagrees with
this
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 statement because of several reasons . One of the top reasons why using smart devices can bring a good opportunity compared to other
people
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 who are not using them is
due to
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 the requirements of some special jobs. In the modern day, when technological development is increasing significantly, it becomes a crucial part of finding talent for big companies. Specifically, lots of interview meetings are organized via
communication
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 apps, using computers or smartphones by cooperation.
This
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 new motivation can attract a number of participants;
therefore
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, the recruiters can access easily different individuals and find suitable
people
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 for their target.
In addition
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, cutting-edge
communication
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technology
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 can bring lots of beneficial chances for employees because of their popularity and high application rate in order to seek the job with the desired salary.
Hence
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, contemporary means of
communication
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technology
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 is a necessary tool to help the level of working. Another part worth mentioning is that having current advancements in
communication
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technology
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 can help bridge the gap in the relationship between
people
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 ,
for example
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, parents and children, teachers and students.
This
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 can be explained that by developing modern appliances, each individual can connect and talk simply even though the distance between them is very far. Communicating online plays an important role in life, especially for
people
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 who live far from families, and if there are no existing of smart devices, they may feel depressed because of missing or the loss of contact leading to the decline of relationships. Admittedly, technological devices help improve and develop the connection of society, it is not only a transportation but
also
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 a link between
people
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. To warm up, despite the belief that communicating in the traditional way is better than changing into an up-to-date way because the negative issues can be harmful to communities’ relationships. I support using modern
technology
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 because it is beneficial chances for everyone and
also
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 positive things in
people
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’s partnerships.

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clarity
Work on simplifying your sentence structure to avoid complex and run-on sentences. This will make your ideas clearer and more comprehensible.
support
Try to include more detailed, specific examples to support your points. This will help to convincingly illustrate your arguments.
cohesion
Ensure your arguments and examples are clearly connected to the main topic. This will help strengthen their relevance and cohesiveness.
structure
You have effectively included an introduction and conclusion, which provide a clear framework for your essay.
task response
Your response addresses the task completely and presents a clear point of view on the given topic.
content
You highlight relevant areas, such as workplace benefits and personal relationships, which align well with the essay question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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