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Band 4.5

In some countries criminal trials in law courts are shown on television so that the general public can watch. Do the advantages of allowing this overweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #trials #law #courts #television #overweigh
in some countries have shown criminal
trials
 in law courts on television that all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people can see
this
 program.
it is clear that
,
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apply
show examples
there are some advantages and some disadvantages about.
to begin
 with , almost most criminal
trials
 are about
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 problems ,
such
 as theft and
fight
Correct subject-verb agreement
fights
show examples
.
in other words
 , most people are familiar with these criminal
trials
.
Hence
 , it has
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 bad effect on their lives.
on the other hand
 , these can be a few examples for them to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not these criminals. because some
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 get
temptation
Add an article
the temptation
show examples
 to do wrong things sometimes.
therefore
 , it can be useful for them.
Although
 these
trials
 are good
to understand
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for understanding
show examples
about
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apply
show examples
our
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
,
these
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 children. since in terms of mental , it causes
bas
Correct your spelling
bad
show examples
 impact on their mind .
In addition
 , they may learn
a
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about a
show examples
wide variety of
criminls
Correct your spelling
crimes
in
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at
show examples
 low ages.
Thus
 , if they can not control their emotions , they will do some
criminals
Fix the agreement mistake
criminal
show examples
for
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apply
show examples
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
. in my opinion , governments should show these criminal
trials
 in
especial
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special
show examples
 programs which
just
Rephrase
only
show examples
 adults can access
to
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apply
show examples
. even though it is hard and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
needs
to
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apply
show examples
a big
planing
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planning
show examples
for
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to
show examples
 create
this
 situation. I for one , am not interested in these programs . but if someone
likes
Correct pronoun usage
likes them
show examples
 , he can follow these applications and watch
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
As a result
 ,
this
 issue is a personality
decide
Replace the word
decision
show examples
.
to sum up
 ,
according to
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
 topic , if I were
Correct article usage
the governments
show examples
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
, I would create a specific board to show.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance paragraph structure by creating clearer distinctions between individual points and connecting them with appropriate linking words.
Task Achievement
Develop main ideas with specific examples or explanations to reinforce arguments and improve relevancy.
General linguistic accuracy
Review grammatical structures and avoid run-on sentences to enhance clarity and accuracy.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced view, acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages.
Task Achievement
The opinion and recommendation section is well-stated, making the writer's stance clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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