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Band 4.5

In many countries the number of animals and plants is declining. why do you think this is happening? how can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
In current times, as a massive problem,
world
Add an article
the world
a world
show examples
 of fauna and flora has been shrinking.
Due to
this
, there are
a great deal of
Change the quantifier
a lot of
many
plenty of
show examples
 issues
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being made.
Background
Correct article usage
The background
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 of
this
 case would be either some ecological impacts or consumption of individuals. And it includes today's contemporary constructions. Meanwhile,
movement
Add an article
a movement
the movement
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 that we can do is to reduce usage of them,
as well as
contribution
Replace the word
contribute
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of
plants
 and saves of animals. In terms of these occasions,
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 could be nowadays' buildings, which have been influenced
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 our environment. Because of them, neither the trees nor any flowers in urban cities have been lacking. If construction chores maintain their work, eco-zones will not be rescued, and
apparently
Add a comma
apparently,
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 it's challenging to cease these reforms.
For instance
,
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
a necessity
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 for them is being exacerbated day by day.
Subsequently
,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of livestock and
plants
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 crucial in people's lives,
such
 as for their health, food, industry,
rural
Correct word choice
and rural
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
Nevertheless
, without
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
behalf of
plants
 and animals, we cannot reside properly. We must preserve it in advance. In these circumstances, not only might
contribution
Replace the word
contribute
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 one of the vital resources aid, but
also
 the young generations have to be taught simultaneously. Prior to
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
this
, it will be the efficient way, and they should be demanded to do in practice. Owing to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
these reforms, our forthcoming would be without any difficulty and some needs. Youngsters should be
justified
Verb problem
informed
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 about these troubles regularly. The government should
also
 release new rules
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related to
animals
Change the noun form
animal
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 protection and
plants
Fix the agreement mistake
plant
show examples
saves
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
. That's to say, all have to do action together. To give an example,
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 of livestock and flowers will be really detrimental, for the reason that, they are one part of our survival, and in some areas of Africa, it has already affected
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the people's nutrition, namely, they are being starving. In conclusion, provided that humans
don't
Verb problem
are not
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about flora and fauna, our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 will
be end
Change the verb form
end
show examples
, and there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no way to be alive without them. And in the future, it will be more noticeable, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
now we have to try to keep our main resources.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points of the task, but the ideas need to be more clearly expressed and comprehensively developed. Focus on providing more relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Better linkage between sentences and paragraphs is necessary. Try using cohesive devices, like ‘however’, ‘therefore’, ‘moreover’, and ‘in addition’, to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make your introduction and conclusion more robust. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines your main points and the conclusion correctly summarizes them.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both parts of the task, identifying causes and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
The main structure of your essay is sound with a clear division into causes and solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
What to do next:
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