IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

‘’Prevention is better than cure.’’ Researching and treating diseases is too costly , so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. Do you agree or disagree with the given statement ?

#‘’prevention #cure #diseases #measures
There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a
lot
 of
disesae
Correct your spelling
disease
diseases
 in the
world
 and
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
diseases’
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diseases
show examples
 cures are very high. If they can
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 preventative from these
diesase
Correct your spelling
disease
diseases
, it will be cheaper and more sensible. I think, absolutely researchers should study
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the preventative and it will be more beneficial for
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
. Sickness
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased every passing day.
Nevertheless
, significant diseases have
rose
Replace the word
risen
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 and people are dying.
Health
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The health
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 sector is very expensive
in
Change preposition
apply
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around the
world
.
Treat
Wrong verb form
Treating
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 a patient’s cost is a
lot
. There is
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
 of
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
pull
Wrong verb form
pulling
show examples
 through the illness even if the patient is cured. Significant
diseasess’
Correct your spelling
disease’
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
 are very difficult.
For instance
, a
lot
 of
countries
 went into economic crisis
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the pandemic because there wasn’t
protection
Correct article usage
a protection
show examples
 way from Corona virus and governments spent
billion
Fix the agreement mistake
billions
show examples
dollars
Change preposition
of dollars
show examples
 to
cure
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Corona virus. There are too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
countries
 which
investment
Replace the word
invest
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 sector in the
world
. It is not sensible to make these investments to research or treat
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
Instead
 of
find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
cure
Correct article usage
a cure
show examples
disease
Change preposition
for disease
show examples
, should be made investments to find
protect
Replace the word
protection
show examples
 from
ilness
Correct your spelling
illness
 ways.
Thus
,
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
disesases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 and death
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 will reduce.
Otherwise
,
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
 which
found
Wrong verb form
finds
show examples
way
Add an article
a way
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 protect
from
Correct pronoun usage
itself from
show examples
 sickness will earn a
lot
 of
many
Correct your spelling
money
show examples
.
For example
,
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 which found
Correct article usage
a vaccine
show examples
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
show examples
 earned too much Money
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
pandemic
Add an article
a pandemic
the pandemic
show examples
,
while
 other
countries
in
Add a missing verb
were in
show examples
economic
Correct article usage
an economic
show examples
 crisis.
Countries
 earn money from different sectors and
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 sector
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 so important
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
source of income. If they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
study
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 protect
from
Correct pronoun usage
themselves from
show examples
 illness
instead
 of
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
cure
Add an article
a cure
the cure
show examples
, they will make a sensible investment.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

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coherence
Improve clarity and sentence structure. Many sentences are clunky or awkwardly phrased, making the essay hard to follow at times.
task
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence
Ensure there is a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument and providing closure.
task
The essay demonstrates a good attempt to address the topic and convey a clear standpoint on the issue.
task
You have made a commendable effort to discuss both the costliness of treating diseases and the potential benefits of preventative measures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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