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Band 4.5

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outwigh the disadvantages?

#future #cars #buses #trucks #driverless #people #vehicles #passengers #outwigh
Thanks to
recently
Change the adverb
recent
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 developments in information and
technonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 in
this
 day that in the future the
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
number of vehicles
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 will decrease
for
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
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 and only
people
 of
traveller
Fix the agreement mistake
travellers
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 could be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
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.
Is
Verb problem
Can
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this developments
Change the determiner
this development
these developments
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can
Verb problem
apply
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make
changer
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 for many
people
 will be better or make the
environmental
Replace the word
environment
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 more difficult to stay
hold
Verb problem
apply
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out of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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? For the following reasons. Developing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology in the world will give many benefits
such
 as
alleviate
Wrong verb form
alleviating
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 congestion, because there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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nothing
Rephrase
no
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 numerous
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the roads and the
traficjem
Correct your spelling
traffic
 becomes
more safety
Correct word choice
safer
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 with
this
 development.
In addition
,
this
 technology is really important and more beneficial for
earth
Add an article
the earth
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 to be better in the future, because air pollution has decreased from using gasoline.
For example
,
in
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed countries have
make
Change the form of the verb
made
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 a good car or
motorcycle
Fix the agreement mistake
motorcycles
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 from the electrical battery as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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fuel like Tesla company, so many
people
 in the world
Add a missing verb
are interest
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interest
Replace the word
interested
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to buy
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in buying
show examples
this
 product.
Therefore
, the Earth will be better and more fresh without pollution from the exhaust.
Besides
, the
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
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from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 development will make
any
Correct determiner usage
an
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 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
environment
Add an article
an environment
the environment
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 that always find a job from the company become a driver bus or truck.
This
 is because will reduce job opportunities for many
people
 and
feel
Verb problem
make it
show examples
 difficult to give their family an income.
Furthermore
,
limited
Replace the word
limits
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 of economical in the world more
decrease
Replace the word
decreased
show examples
, because they can not find a great chance to gain
worklife
Correct your spelling
work-life
work life
 balance. In Indonesia
for example
, there many
people
 always go out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their country to find their dream job in order they can make their life better in the future
such
 as
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 a new house,
Correct word choice
or make
show examples
make
Verb problem
doing
show examples
 business
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. In conclusion, from
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology can give many benefits and reduce an opportunity for many
people
 as well. I believe
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 issue will give the environment a ways to face every situation.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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introduction
Your introduction could be clearer and more concise. It needs to better state the main argument or thesis of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clear logical structure in your essay. Ensure your paragraphs flow from one to another more seamlessly.
supported main points
Your main points need more detailed explanations and examples. Try to elaborate further on your ideas and support them with relevant examples.
task achievement
Avoid repetition and irrelevant details. Stick closely to answering the main question and developing your argument.
conclusion
You have a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates the importance of the topic.
task achievement
You addressed both advantages and disadvantages of driverless vehicles, which shows a balanced perspective.
relevant specific examples
You included some real-world examples, which help to illustrate your points better.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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