In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree
It is undeniable that criminal records have proliferated in many countries. On
this
matter, some people think that violent movies
and computer games can encourage this
phenomenon. From my perspective, there are several factors which trigger crime. However
, those activities are related to this
matter to a certain extent as they can be likely to change characters
and attitudes of audiences, particularly ,Correct article usage
the characters
vulnerable
younger generation. Correct article usage
the vulnerable
Thus
, this
essay intend
to discuss how violent Change the verb form
intends
movies
can influenen
on Correct your spelling
influence
viewer
.
Fix the agreement mistake
viewers
To begin
with, people usually watch television and play computer games for their leisure activities during their free time. Those entertainments can significantly influence on behaviours and characters of a
individual. Change the article
an
For instance
, youngsters are naturally fragile and are susceptible through
their exposure. They cannot even differentiate the truth from wrong during their immature stage. Their frequent watching the violent Change preposition
to
scence
can corrupt their mindset, and they may think that those Correct your spelling
science
scene
scenes
attitude
are not wrong. Change the determiner
attitudes
Consequently
, they may mistakenly adopt those wrong actions in their real life and behave similar
actions. Change the word
similarly
As a result
, crime
rate has increased.
It is Add an article
the crime
evdient
that Correct your spelling
evident
those
violent Correct determiner usage
apply
movies
and games can bring disadvantages to our society. Therefore
, the authorities should limit age
for Correct article usage
the age
such
sorts of films to prevent criminal violences
in our society.
Change the wording
violence
acts of violence
outbreaks of violence
To sum up
, it can be reiterated that violent movies
can influence negatively on viewers. Hence
, those movies
should be prohibited.Submitted by ayepwintphyu02 on
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task achievement
While your essay is clear and addresses the topic effectively, make sure to provide a comprehensive response to all aspects of the prompt, incorporating more specific and varied examples. Also, consider expanding on how violent media directly leads to crime by bringing in some research or historical context.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to another, and aim to develop your points with more detail. It might help to incorporate linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay. Additionally, try to more clearly state connections between violent media and crime to strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
supported main points
The main points are relevant and support your thesis regarding the impact of violent media on crime rates.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.