In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #games

It is undeniable that criminal records have proliferated in many countries. On

this

matter, some people think that violent

movies

and computer games can encourage

this

phenomenon. From my perspective, there are several factors which trigger crime.

However

, those activities are related to

this

matter to a certain extent as they can be likely to change

characters

Correct article usage

the characters

show examples

and attitudes of audiences, particularly ,

vulnerable

Correct article usage

the vulnerable

show examples

younger generation.

Thus

this

essay

intend

Change the verb form

intends

show examples

to discuss how violent

movies

can

influenen

Correct your spelling

influence

viewer

Fix the agreement mistake

viewers

show examples

To begin

with, people usually watch television and play computer games for their leisure activities during their free time. Those entertainments can significantly influence on behaviours and characters of

Change the article

show examples

individual.

For instance

, youngsters are naturally fragile and are susceptible

through

Change preposition

show examples

their exposure. They cannot even differentiate the truth from wrong during their immature stage. Their frequent watching the violent

scence

Correct your spelling

science

scene

scenes

can corrupt their mindset, and they may think that those

attitude

Change the determiner

attitudes

show examples

are not wrong.

Consequently

, they may mistakenly adopt those wrong actions in their real life and behave

similar

Change the word

similarly

show examples

actions.

As a result

crime

Add an article

the crime

show examples

rate has increased. It is

evdient

Correct your spelling

evident

that

those

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

violent

movies

and games can bring disadvantages to our society.

Therefore

, the authorities should limit

age

Correct article usage

the age

show examples

for

such

sorts of films to prevent criminal

violences

Change the wording

violence

acts of violence

outbreaks of violence

show examples

in our society.

To sum up

, it can be reiterated that violent

movies

can influence negatively on viewers.

Hence

, those

movies

should be prohibited.

Submitted by ayepwintphyu02 on Fri May 31 2024

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task achievement

While your essay is clear and addresses the topic effectively, make sure to provide a comprehensive response to all aspects of the prompt, incorporating more specific and varied examples. Also, consider expanding on how violent media directly leads to crime by bringing in some research or historical context.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to another, and aim to develop your points with more detail. It might help to incorporate linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay. Additionally, try to more clearly state connections between violent media and crime to strengthen your argument.

introduction conclusion present

Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.

supported main points

The main points are relevant and support your thesis regarding the impact of violent media on crime rates.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

230 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

correlation
aggressive behavior
desensitization
copycat effect
media literacy
violent imagery
scapegoat
media consumption
psychological impact
content rating
parental supervision
media influence
computer games
behavioral studies
socio-economic factors

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In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More and more tasks we do at home and at work these days are by robots. Is this a positive or negative trend?

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

In many countries schools have severe problems with students behaviour.What are the causes and possile solutions for this problem.

In many parts of the world, women study science and technology, but donot work in these fields. What measures can be taken to encourage women to work in science and technology?

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sports club, believing this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so.