IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are many
advance
Correct word choice
advanced
show examples
 technologies and changes in lifestyle.
As a result
Linking Words
, new problems
are arise
Change the verb form
arise
show examples
 in the society. In some countries, many
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 become overweight and their health condition and fitness are declining.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
aboout
Correct your spelling
about
 some of the reasons why
this
Linking Words
 problem
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
arise
Wrong verb form
arisen
show examples
 and some of the steps to solve the
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
. One of the main reasons for
people
Use synonyms
 gaining more weight
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 consuming
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
calories,
fatty
Correct word choice
and fatty
show examples
 food
also
Linking Words
 called
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
junk food. Living in the modern trend, it's normal
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
taking
Verb problem
eat
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 society,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time is considered as most important
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reason,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to eat
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 is quick and fast to consume.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, the busy lifestyle which the current society lives is another reason for
this
Linking Words
 poor health condition.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
 in vehicles
for going
Change preposition
to go
show examples
 to
near by
Correct your spelling
nearby
show examples
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
. They are avoiding
to walk
Change the verb form
walking
show examples
 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laziness. As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 output, it became
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
laziness and unhealthy
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the body. To solve these problems, a healthy diet is
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
reameady
Correct your spelling
remedy
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity.
People
Use synonyms
 should consume homemade foods and eat
on-time
Correct your spelling
on time
show examples
. Fresh fruits and vegetables always help to increase the nutrition
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the body.
Additionally
Linking Words
, doing some exercises or yoga will help them to reduce obesity and help them to burn high calories and body fat.
for example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skipping exercise helps to reduce more number of calories
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
ther exrecises
Correct your spelling
their exercise
. In conclusion, there is no
doubts
Fix the agreement mistake
doubt
show examples
 that obesity is rapidly growing nowadays. A
well-plan
Correct your spelling
well-planned
show examples
 diet and some
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 will
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 help
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
show examples
 be
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fit and live in
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
show examples
 lifestyle.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that every argument you make is well-developed with detailed examples or evidence. For instance, instead of just mentioning the role of junk food, you could add statistics or real-life instances of how dietary changes have impacted health trends.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on creating clearer transitions between your points. This can include linking sentences and using more cohesive devices to tie your arguments together seamlessly. Try to strengthen the logical flow within paragraphs and between them.
coherence cohesion
There were some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, it should be 'new problems arise in society,' not 'new problems are arise in the society.' Improving your grammar and fluency will help in making your ideas clearer and more compelling.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments well.
complete response
You have identified some causes and solutions to the issue, which shows that you have tackled both aspects of the problem as required by the task.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: