IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.

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Nowadays, there are many
advance
Correct word choice
advanced
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 technologies and changes in lifestyle.
As a result
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, new problems
are arise
Change the verb form
arise
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 in the society. In some countries, many
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 become overweight and their health condition and fitness are declining.
This
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 essay will discuss
aboout
Correct your spelling
about
 some of the reasons why
this
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 problem
have
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has
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arise
Wrong verb form
arisen
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 and some of the steps to solve the
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
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. One of the main reasons for
people
Use synonyms
 gaining more weight
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 consuming
high
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apply
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calories,
fatty
Correct word choice
and fatty
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 food
also
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 called
as
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apply
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junk food. Living in the modern trend, it's normal
to
Change preposition
for to
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people
Use synonyms
taking
Verb problem
eat
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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junk
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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. In
this
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 society,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time is considered as most important
as
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apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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reason,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to eat
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 is quick and fast to consume.
In addition
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to
Change preposition
apply
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, the busy lifestyle which the current society lives is another reason for
this
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 poor health condition.
For instance
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, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
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 in vehicles
for going
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to go
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 to
near by
Correct your spelling
nearby
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shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
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. They are avoiding
to walk
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walking
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 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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laziness. As
a
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an
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 output, it became
a
Remove the article
apply
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laziness and unhealthy
to
Change preposition
for
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 the body. To solve these problems, a healthy diet is
best
Correct article usage
the best
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reameady
Correct your spelling
remedy
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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obesity.
People
Use synonyms
 should consume homemade foods and eat
on-time
Correct your spelling
on time
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. Fresh fruits and vegetables always help to increase the nutrition
to
Change preposition
of
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 the body.
Additionally
Linking Words
, doing some exercises or yoga will help them to reduce obesity and help them to burn high calories and body fat.
for example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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skipping exercise helps to reduce more number of calories
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while
Correct word choice
when
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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compares
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
ther exrecises
Correct your spelling
their exercise
. In conclusion, there is no
doubts
Fix the agreement mistake
doubt
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 that obesity is rapidly growing nowadays. A
well-plan
Correct your spelling
well-planned
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 diet and some
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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 will
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 help
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
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 be
in
Change preposition
apply
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fit and live in
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
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 lifestyle.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that every argument you make is well-developed with detailed examples or evidence. For instance, instead of just mentioning the role of junk food, you could add statistics or real-life instances of how dietary changes have impacted health trends.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on creating clearer transitions between your points. This can include linking sentences and using more cohesive devices to tie your arguments together seamlessly. Try to strengthen the logical flow within paragraphs and between them.
coherence cohesion
There were some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, it should be 'new problems arise in society,' not 'new problems are arise in the society.' Improving your grammar and fluency will help in making your ideas clearer and more compelling.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments well.
complete response
You have identified some causes and solutions to the issue, which shows that you have tackled both aspects of the problem as required by the task.
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