People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays, individuals usually live unhealthily, and do not pay attention to their diets leads to illness, so
this
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is a reason that people have to spend lots of money on health care. Personally, I partly agree with
this
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opinion, and I will explore the reasons in
this
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essay. The main reason for
this
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argument is people who do not care about their healthy lifestyle can lead them to have more illnesses.
Therefore
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, they must usually go to the hospital or
healthcare
Use synonyms
clinic to check their health, which makes them spend lots of money on those services.
Furthermore
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, if individuals are in serious cases, they will need some expensive medicine or equipment to help them survive.
For instance
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, some victims live in poor
countries
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that do not have enough equipment to treat their ill, so they must purchase to go to other
countries
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to have that type of equipment.
On the other hand
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, there are many developed
countries
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that will have free
healthcare
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, so individuals who live in those
countries
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won't pay any fee for their illnesses.
Therefore
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, victims only need to have a
healthcare
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card, and they can go to any hospital or
healthcare
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clinic which do not purchase any fee, they are all free.
For instance
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, Canadian citizens who live in their country do not need to pay any fee for treatment, they have everything free from
healthcare
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. In conclusion, people who have illnesses from unhealthy lifestyles usually come to medical places to treat their health and must pay lots of money. But with
countries
Use synonyms
, they do not need to pay anything for their treatment.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your main points more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Work on using more cohesive devices and linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to diversify your vocabulary and grammar structures to enhance clarity and avoid repetition.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents your viewpoint effectively, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You provided examples to support your points, particularly when discussing healthcare in developing versus developed countries.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burden
  • lifestyle-related diseases
  • healthcare systems
  • personal responsibility
  • preventable diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • ethical considerations
  • penalizing
  • discrimination
  • socio-economic groups
  • deterrent
  • health education
  • financial penalties
  • health inequalities
  • access to healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health goals
  • promoting healthy lifestyles
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