IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing . Do you agree or disagree ?

#growth #shops #towns #cities
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Recently, the rapid increase in the number of online orders has led
people
Use synonyms
 to think that most markets and shopping centres in cities will be closed in the future. I do not agree with
this
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 notion for many reasons.
Firstly
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, there are many
people
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 who do not trust online shopping because they think that websites and e-commerce applications are not secure places to enter their personal and credit card information.
In addition
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, many individuals do not trust the features of products which they need.
For example
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, when I want to buy outfits
such
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 as a coat, I do not buy it online since I prefer to try it in the shop and check its tissue before buying.
Secondly
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, many
people
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 go to the markets and shopping centres for many goals
such
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 as eating in the food court, meeting each other, or making a sense of amusement. Specifically, women are shopping fans and they prefer to go to shopping malls, frequently to learn about recent trends and new products.
For example
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, my friend goes to the market and the mall near my home twice a week, to browse clothes and makeup
as well as
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 spend her leisure time. In conclusion, in my opinion, the two kinds of shopping will continue for a long time, and one of them will not affect the other since there are many differences between
people
Use synonyms
's mindsets, needs, aims, and preferences.
Submitted by amalalhoury on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed introduction and conclusion to strongly frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
Overall Improvement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to precisely express your views and arguments.
task achievement
You've provided relevant, specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your essay maintains a clear position throughout, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
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