IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Everywhere we go, we are surrounded by advertisements. Some people think that advertisements can affect our thinking and that it can have a negative influence on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are common
things
Use synonyms
 that we see
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements
Use synonyms
 have
downside
Add an article
a downside
show examples
 in our lives and
also
Linking Words
 can influence our thinking. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that, I think the effects of
advertisements
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
depend on the individual,
while
Linking Words
 the
advertisements
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
also have
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have
a benefits
Correct the article-noun agreement
benefits
a benefit
show examples
 in
another sector
Fix the agreement mistake
other sectors
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. Here
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is my explanation.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, in order to affect
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
show examples
, I think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements
Use synonyms
 only
effects
Verb problem
affect
show examples
 the choice of certain
things
Use synonyms
 related
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 what
advertisement
Use synonyms
 we have
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 attention
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
. So, I think, it only influences our choice not related to our way of thinking.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, sometimes the
advertisements
Use synonyms
delivers
Change the verb form
deliver
show examples
 in creative ways, where it needs to be unique to get the
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 attention.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can add information or references for
people
Use synonyms
according
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in order to create something.
Body paragraph 3
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the
advertisement
Use synonyms
 is a part of the business which is it can increase the opportunity in terms of selling
things
Use synonyms
. With the increasing of income in the business it can lead the business to expand which can open more jobs. So, the
advertisement
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a positive side related to
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 the economy.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are some claims
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the
advertisement
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 in ways
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 and
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
, actually
it doesn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
thinking skills and
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have good benefits
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. The
advertisement
Use synonyms
 only
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 choice of certain
things
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 sometimes the idea in the
advertisement
Use synonyms
 can be references to do
another
Replace the adjective
another thing
other things
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 and it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 benefits in increasing the economy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and expresses a clear position. However, you could strengthen your arguments by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical and syntactical errors that slightly affect clarity and coherence. Working on your grammar and sentence structures will improve the overall quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs. Using more transitional phrases can help make the progression of your ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to your response.
task achievement
You have made a commendable effort to explain your points and discuss both sides of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: