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Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
In the modern day, rural residents have had the tendency to migrate to some metropolises of the country leading to a decline in population in the suburb. The writer of
this
 essay firmly asserts that the burden on
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 about
lak
Correct your spelling
lack
 of
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
accommodation
along with
 the increasing statement of pollution in cities are two principally adverse impacts of
this
 tendency,
while
 others argue that gaining more job opportunities helps in enhancing the national economy. It must be comprehended that supplying accommodations for all
citizens
 is one of
numerous
Add an article
the numerous
show examples
 serious problems which are predicted to occur and
also
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enormous pressure on the governments. To explain in
further
 detail,
due to
 migrating constantly with a large number of people, the
city
 becomes much more overpopulated,
hence
, there
arenot
Correct your spelling
are not
aren't
 enough
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 houses for everyone.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many apartments have been built to tackle
this
 problem, it would take
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time prior to finishing and being legal to utilize. Not surprisingly, immense
citizens
Correct quantifier usage
number of citizens
show examples
 have to face up with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
homelessness or
unsatisfiedly
Correct your spelling
unsatisfied
 live with another family in one house. Opponents,
however
, contend that the major cities are a chance for the needy to improve
the
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their
show examples
 standard of life.
In other words
,
city
Add an article
the city
a city
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 always
attract
Change the verb form
attracts
show examples
 more international investment than the countryside.
As a result
, there will be many job
opportunies
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 with
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 or higher salary compared to being in the rural areas where the finance relies most on agriculture.
This
 viewpoint prospectively has
credibiltity
Correct your spelling
credibility
, but, presently, authorities have established many policies to require several manufacturers or industrial companies to move to other suburbs.
Therefore
, those strategies not only cope with the overpopulation in the
city
 but
also
 provide occupations for the residents around the country, in both megacities and
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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. From
this
 writer’s prior experience,
this
 unmanageable migration negatively affects
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
city
’s environment.
This
 is because the more
citizens
 stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a specific
are
Correct your spelling
area
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, the more
househould
Correct your spelling
household
 waste is compulsory to sort and treat.
However
, a few residents release
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
garbages
Correct subject-verb agreement
garbage
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direclty
Correct your spelling
directly
 into the environment leading to create extensive public landfills around the
city
. As a repercussion, individuals are accidentally compulsory to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terrible conditions which potentially cause respiratory illness or degrade the urban landscape. Take Ho Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
 in Vietnam as a prime illustration, where the rate of pollution,
escpecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 the air
coupled with
 water, is extremely urgent and ranks at
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 position in the world. Taking all points into account, the possibility of higher job opportunities
along with
 certain income
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 faded
by
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 the negative influences on both the decreasing standard of accommodations and the environment.
Therefore
, if
this
 tendency is solved efficiently, the
citizens
 have to suffer from many social problems.
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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity of your main points. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and develops it fully.
task achievement
Strengthen your use of relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. While the example of Ho Chi Minh City is useful, more such examples would enrich your essay further.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your logical flow between ideas. Ensure that each sentence and paragraph logically follows from the previous one to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make a more explicit and stronger connection between your arguments and the conclusion. This will help in reinforcing your main points effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets a clear framework for the essay by outlining the main issues and contrasting viewpoints.
complete response
You have attempted to address both sides of the argument, which displays an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
relevant specific examples
The example of pollution in Ho Chi Minh City is a specific and relevant example that adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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