IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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In the modern day, rural residents have had the tendency to migrate to some metropolises of the country leading to a decline in population in the suburb. The writer of
this
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 essay firmly asserts that the burden on
government
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the government
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 about
lak
Correct your spelling
lack
 of
accomodations
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accommodations
accommodation
along with
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 the increasing statement of pollution in cities are two principally adverse impacts of
this
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 tendency,
while
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 others argue that gaining more job opportunities helps in enhancing the national economy. It must be comprehended that supplying accommodations for all
citizens
Use synonyms
 is one of
numerous
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the numerous
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 serious problems which are predicted to occur and
also
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make
Verb problem
put
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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enormous pressure on the governments. To explain in
further
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 detail,
due to
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 migrating constantly with a large number of people, the
city
Use synonyms
 becomes much more overpopulated,
hence
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, there
arenot
Correct your spelling
are not
aren't
 enough
residental
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residential
 houses for everyone.
Although
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,
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apply
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 many apartments have been built to tackle
this
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 problem, it would take
long
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a long
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 time prior to finishing and being legal to utilize. Not surprisingly, immense
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citizens
Correct quantifier usage
number of citizens
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 have to face up with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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homelessness or
unsatisfiedly
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unsatisfied
 live with another family in one house. Opponents,
however
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, contend that the major cities are a chance for the needy to improve
the
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their
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 standard of life.
In other words
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,
Use synonyms
city
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the city
a city
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 always
attract
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attracts
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 more international investment than the countryside.
As a result
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, there will be many job
opportunies
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opportunities
 with
certain
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a certain
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 or higher salary compared to being in the rural areas where the finance relies most on agriculture.
This
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 viewpoint prospectively has
credibiltity
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credibility
, but, presently, authorities have established many policies to require several manufacturers or industrial companies to move to other suburbs.
Therefore
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, those strategies not only cope with the overpopulation in the
city
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 provide occupations for the residents around the country, in both megacities and
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
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countryside
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. From
this
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 writer’s prior experience,
this
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 unmanageable migration negatively affects
on
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apply
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the
city
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’s environment.
This
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 is because the more
citizens
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 stay
at
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in
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 a specific
are
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area
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, the more
househould
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household
 waste is compulsory to sort and treat.
However
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, a few residents release
the
Correct article usage
apply
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garbages
Correct subject-verb agreement
garbage
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direclty
Correct your spelling
directly
 into the environment leading to create extensive public landfills around the
city
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. As a repercussion, individuals are accidentally compulsory to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terrible conditions which potentially cause respiratory illness or degrade the urban landscape. Take Ho Chi Minh
Use synonyms
city
Capitalize word
City
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 in Vietnam as a prime illustration, where the rate of pollution,
escpecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 the air
coupled with
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 water, is extremely urgent and ranks at
high
Add an article
a high
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 position in the world. Taking all points into account, the possibility of higher job opportunities
along with
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 certain income
is
Verb problem
has
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 faded
by
Change preposition
due to
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 the negative influences on both the decreasing standard of accommodations and the environment.
Therefore
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, if
this
Linking Words
 tendency is solved efficiently, the
citizens
Use synonyms
 have to suffer from many social problems.
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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity of your main points. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and develops it fully.
task achievement
Strengthen your use of relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. While the example of Ho Chi Minh City is useful, more such examples would enrich your essay further.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your logical flow between ideas. Ensure that each sentence and paragraph logically follows from the previous one to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make a more explicit and stronger connection between your arguments and the conclusion. This will help in reinforcing your main points effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets a clear framework for the essay by outlining the main issues and contrasting viewpoints.
complete response
You have attempted to address both sides of the argument, which displays an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
relevant specific examples
The example of pollution in Ho Chi Minh City is a specific and relevant example that adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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