IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.

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Nowadays, many individuals believe that
professionals
Use synonyms
 like engineers and doctors should
work
Use synonyms
 in the nation where they are trained
while
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 on the other side, people trust that they should have the freedom of movement for these
professionals
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 to choose the place to
work
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. After considering both of the statements in
this
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 notion, from my perspective, the lack of a second notion will be a part of disapproval of sending experts abroad
To begin
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 with, it can be a waste of finance for the government if highly skilled people move to where they want with the freedom.
This
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 is because governments often offer an amount of money to invest significant resources in education and training programs with some preference categories
such
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 as medicine or engineering.
For example
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, in Vietnam, the educational system always has the help of finance for undergraduates to study for a master’s degree, as it can be seen that the government dissipate their funding when these
professionals
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 immigrate.
Therefore
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, when high
professionals
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 leave the
country
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 where they are educated,
this
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country
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 faces a shortage of skilled
professionals
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, affecting not only in own economic growth but
also
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 in
overall
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 development.
However
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, the opponents of
this
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 idea argue that the diversity of
work
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 and opportunities easily approach
professionals
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 who have vast knowledge, but the facilities and pay are not up in their
country
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.
For
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this
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 reason, it will be easier for their living standards to gradually improve and line of attack to the large information when they choose to settle and
work
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 abroad.
This
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 point may be true, but the difference in culture can be a serious problem that foreign settlers can acquire and suffer from psychological diseases.
This
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 writer believes that the movement of these
professionals
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 is unnecessary. The development of the economy and jobs in some nations are attracting the worker’s attention.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
,
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apply
show examples
 every career and change will be kept open and improved reasonably with their capacity. Because of
this
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,
professionals
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 In conclusion, having considered both sides of the argument, I am fully convinced that the movement of
professionals
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 will have a negative influence not only on the economy but
also
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 affect the culture of
this
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country
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. I believe that everything will develop to support
professionals
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 more and more even though they just need to
work
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 in the
country
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, some of your main points are not fully developed or supported with specific examples. To improve, try to include more detailed examples and elaborate on your main points in greater depth. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of your essay are fairly strong, as you successfully transition between ideas and paragraphs. However, some sentences are difficult to understand due to awkward phrasing. Pay attention to sentence structure and clarity to ensure that your ideas are communicated effectively. This will help improve the overall flow and readability of your essay.
task achievement
Your task response is complete and covers both sides of the argument, but the ideas are sometimes not comprehensively developed. Make sure to fully elaborate on every point you make and support them with relevant examples or evidence. This will add depth to your essay and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow and understand your main points.
task achievement
You have effectively touched upon both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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