IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Q:- Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban countries. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, it is widely believed that it is better to transfer huge
factories
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 and firms to regional
areas
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 from metropolises. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 change and why I believe it will be a positive development. Starting with the benefits of
this
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 shift/modification. Primarily,
this
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 will contribute to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
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 the traffic in big
cities
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.
For instance
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, employees in populated
areas
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 will leave for
cities
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 that are near
factories
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 or companies, and
this
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 lowers the number of people in crowded places. Another benefit is to minimise the emissions of
factories
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 in big
cities
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,
must
Correct pronoun usage
which must
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 transfer them to rural
areas
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. To illustrate, accumulating
factories
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 in one place is a key factor in increasing pollution.
Finally
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, dividing the industry across the whole country is better for us to obtain the opportunities equally.
For example
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, if I live in a small city, I will never get high high-position job. It is irrational, but
this
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 is the reality.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will boost the economy in different places.
Conversely
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, there are many drawbacks to
this
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 adjustment, let me mention three of them.
Firstly
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, moving
factories
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 will disturb the environment in rural
areas
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. Like, cutting trees for the construction and making space for buildings.
Secondly
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, increasing the rental prices in the surrounding
areas
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. As revealed by a real estate expert, Aziz Ahmed, who said that when families come at the same time to one place the offers will surge immediately, because of the concept of supply and demand.
Thirdly
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, small
cities
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 lack entertainment and
this
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 will be a challenge for companies when they want to attract workers.
Such
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 as small families need a high-quality life including malls, a cinema and restaurants. In conclusion, it seems to me that the pros outweigh the cons
,
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apply
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 because the provided benefits are more effective for the whole country.
Furthermore
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, we should look at the whole picture not only what serves us individually.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to make clearer links between your ideas. Each paragraph should connect directly to your main point.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or details to support your points. This helps to make your argument stronger and clearer.
task achievement
In your introduction, mention briefly what the main points will be. This gives the reader a clear idea of what to expect.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic you will discuss.
task achievement
You have good ideas about the benefits and drawbacks.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • company
  • industry
  • move
  • urban
  • area
  • jobs
  • unemployment
  • economy
  • congestion
  • condition
  • cost
  • business
  • population
  • distribution
  • pressure
  • growth
  • local
  • relocate
  • build
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