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Band 5

In many countries the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
Decreasing the
number
 of
animals
 and
plants
 is experienced in many countries because of industrial waste and poaching. Establishing natural
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 or national parks
for protecting
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 would be
optimal
Correct article usage
an optimal
show examples
sollution
Correct your spelling
solution
 for
this
 issue. From
statistical
Add an article
a statistical
show examples
 perspective, there are approximately 7,75 million
species
 of
animals
 and
plants
 in the world.
However
, 23% of them have been already
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
,
nearly
Correct word choice
and nearly
show examples
 31% of them are declining
due to
 human activities
such
 as industrial pollution, hunting for meat and so on.
Firstly
, people are building new factories,
industrial
Correct word choice
and industrial
show examples
 zones.
As a result
, they destroy many forests and other places where
animals
 live.
Moreover
, industry and power generation cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water pollution, it
also
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
 the ecosystem and reduces the
number
 of
animals
 and
plants
.
For example
, in Amazonia, almost 120
species
 of
plants
 and 70 animal
species
 are estimated to
extinct
Add a missing verb
be extinct
show examples
, the
number
 of them has been decreasing for 20 years
due to
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
 industrial zones.
Secondly
, people hunt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
 for their meat and consumption.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 governments have
indroduced
Correct your spelling
introduced
 strict laws and punishments, many
animals
 are being hunted illegally by poachers.
According to
 statistics, 312 animal
species
 are in danger of extinction because of poaching. There is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective
sollution
Correct your spelling
solution
 for protecting
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Above all
, it is
Correct article usage
the responsiblity
show examples
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of governments to protect
animals
 and
plants
.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries should establish a lot of natural parks or
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 and
plants
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
show examples
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 natural parks are always guarded,
therefore
 poachers do not hunt the
animals
 which live in there.
Besides
, industrial zones are not built
such
Change preposition
in such
show examples
 kind of special places. So, industrial waste, especially water pollution, does not affect the
plants
.
For example
, 42 animal
species
 and 69
species
 of
plants
 were in danger of extinction in 2005 in Zamin
national park
Correct your spelling
National Park
show examples
.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 the indicators decreased gradually to 28 animal
species
 and 45
species
 of
plants
 in 2020. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, poaching and industrial waste cause the
decline
Change the verb form
declining
show examples
number
 of
animals
 and
plants
. Establishing national
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 or
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 might be
optimal
Correct article usage
an optimal
show examples
 and effective
sollution
Correct your spelling
solution
 for
this
 issue.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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grammar
Ensure you proofread your essay to catch and correct minor spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'indroduced' should be 'introduced', 'sollution' should be 'solution', 'conclution' should be 'conclusion').
development
Try to elaborate more on the impact of solutions mentioned, using a variety of examples and detailed explanations.
task response
The essay provides a complete response to the task question, addressing both the causes and solutions.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly stated, providing a good framework for the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
What to do next:
Look at other essays: