Some people think an international car-free day is an effective way to reduce air pollution. Others think there are more effective ways to do this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
People
around the globe have both similarities and differences in fine art tastes. Both of them have their benefit. Firstly
, I will discuss the benefit of that similarity for societies by being a medium to unite people
. Later, I will explore how fine arts
complexity can be used to improve people
's moods faster.
While
fine arts
have a plethora of kinds, all of them have a resemblance to discuss. As a result
, most people
cast aside those differences. Furthermore
, those similarities have a key role in societies by being a topic for people
to discuss. Because of that, it will make the people
cast aside their different opinions to gather. As an example, in 2017, a concert that consisted of various rock bands with different themes was held by the American government. That is
making many rock communities there hyped, proven by the concert setting the highest attendance record. This
proves that the band could be used as a medium for people
to be united.
As the fine arts
look-alike was used for uniting communities, their various type could be beneficial for supporting people
by improving their many kinds of feelings more quickly. Additionally
, some music has many types, resulting that can improve those different types of situations. For example
, sad-themed music could express their sadness more. Thus
, recovering and lifting their spirits faster. For instance
, in 2023, research is being conducted by Vox Populi, a social magazine company. They surveyed 100 respondents to find the heartbroken ones and gave them sad-themed songs after that. A week later, they questioned those people
's situations. Consequently
, It turns out that 75 out of 100 people
already recovered a day later, faster than the average person. Therefore
, it proves that music can improve people
's moods faster.
In general, while
fine arts
similarities can be used to gather communities, their differences can boost various types of moods faster. For that reason, fine arts
have a lot of advantages and make them a key aspect of human lives.Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on
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task achievement
Your introduction provides a preview of the two main points you will discuss, which is good. However, try to refine your thesis statement to be more precise and to the point.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking phrases to connect ideas logically.
task achievement
Ensure that each point you make is thoroughly supported by relevant examples. Some examples you provided are good but could be more specific or directly relevant.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a more logical structure by outlining your essay clearly. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and all points are clearly connected to the main argument.
task achievement
You’ve provided specific examples to support your points, which adds depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates the significance of fine arts.