At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Currently, several nations have bonus demographics
while
the youth generation
dominates the resident's
composition rather than the elderly Change noun form
resident
generation
. I believe this
condition would bring more advantages for the nation, especially for the economic aspect but it has a risk in the future at the same time.
First of all, the dominance of the youth generation
would increase the
economic Correct article usage
apply
growth
since they will boost the
consumption. There will be a large of labourers who work to earn money and spend it to fulfil their needs in many sectors, Correct article usage
apply
such
as food, real estate, entertainment and tourism which would have a multiplier effect on macroeconomics. Also
, the growth
would bring benefits for the entrepreneur to expand their business.
Also
, the increase in consumption would bring benefits for the government
through tax revenue through value-added tax or income tax. Then
, government
could increase its spending on development Add an article
the government
such
as infrastructure development or non-physical development such
as education or social health.
However
, the bonus demographic could bring risks to the future for the countries, such
as a potential expense for retirement and pension while
the labour is no longer productive. The government
should have an action plan when they become older by maximizing the momentum of economic growth
in the prior period.
To summarize, a significant portion of the young generation
would bring more advantages for the countries due to
the effect on economic growth
and business expansion. However
, the government
should be aware when they become elderly generation
in the future there would be the risk of retirement and pension.Submitted by cracko.eko on
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate the points made. This could help to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
While the essay has clear and comprehensive ideas, there is room for elaboration on certain points. Exploring each point in more detail could strengthen the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Using transitional phrases can help create a more seamless connection between different sections of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is fully developed with supporting details. For instance, the paragraph discussing government benefits could be expanded with more examples and explanations.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides a balanced view on both the advantages and disadvantages of having a large youth population.
task achievement
The main points are well-organized and clearly presented, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion appropriately.
coherence cohesion
There is a good use of paragraphing to separate different ideas, which aids in maintaining a coherent structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.