IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is do common that we no longer pay attention to it. discuss both views.

#people #attention
In the digital age, advertising is a potential field for developing a brand image. Some folks argue that advertisements are now more prevalent and that
customers
 are not interested anymore.
However
, advertising is thriving in aiming
people
 to buy
products
.
This
 essay sheds light on both views and my angle. On the one hand, many individuals believe that advertising tends to be powerless.
Firstly
,
due to
 the popularity of ads,
customers
 might have a negative attitude and lose attention.
This
 is because it spams and is presented wherever,
such
 as on various social media platforms on the internet and billboards on the street.
As a result
,
people
 tend to avoid or ignore advertising if they can.
Moreover
, some advertisements aim to commercialize and rarely deliver the truth about
products
.
Thus
,
people
 who buy these
products
 may encounter a reality about the qualities of goods different from those advertised.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that advertising is still effective in convincing
customers
 to buy
products
. Advertisers try to create unique and eye-catching ads to attract curious
customers
 and encourage them to purchase goods. By introducing their
products
 in positive ways and tapping into
customers
' emotions, they can create a connection with clients and encourage buying decisions.
For example
, many companies invest a large amount of money in advertising to improve their brand awareness and target potential buyers,
such
 as Vinamilk, a top milk brand in Vietnam, which features three animated cows singing catchy and numerous songs with adorable dance moves.
Therefore
,
this
 advertising goes viral and grabs
people
's attention to make them buy. In conclusion,
although
 many
customers
 have a dissatisfied experience with advertisements, it is still an effective tool in the massive data that provides information for
people
 who want to buy things.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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specific
Consider diversifying vocabulary and using more synonymous expressions to avoid repetition. For example, instead of continuously saying 'advertising,' try words like 'promotion,' 'marketing,' or 'campaigns'.
specific
Some sentences could be structured more clearly and concisely. For example, the phrase 'advertising is thriving in aiming people to buy products' can be revised to 'advertising is thriving in convincing people to purchase products' for clarity.
general
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea which is thoroughly supported by relevant examples and explanations.
content
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on the effectiveness of advertising.
example
You have included relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the Vinamilk example, which strengthens your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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