In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies

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In our modern society, age longevity is going up.

This

Linking Words

could make up a new burden to society but we could stop the problem by increasing the newborn rate. With citizens having the ability to live for longer, an increase in old

people

Use synonyms

population is inevitable. Higher-age individuals cannot take care of themselves both financially and physically;

thus

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, they need someone younger and stronger to support them.

This

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not only increases the amount of

taxes

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

healthcare

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

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cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

a rise in stress and problems that younger workers need to take care of. As an illustration

for

Change preposition

show examples

how much of a burden

this

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could be, when

youthful

Correct word choice

young

show examples

citizens

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

faced with pressure, losing their motivation is only a matter of time.

Thus

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this

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leads to

Change the article

show examples

substantial decrease in productivity and

further

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damaging

Replace the word

damages

show examples

the country’s

overall

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economy. Countering

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

rise of

old-population

Correct your spelling

population

show examples

, my solution is to increase the newborn rate. Elderly

people

Use synonyms

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

to be taken care of by the young proportion of society, so a rocket of newborns should be the key

for

Change preposition

show examples

our problem; but how do we do that? IT would be best to create a political rule providing families which have more children more privileges.

For instance

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, homes with 2

kdis

Correct your spelling

kids

would have lower

taxes

Use synonyms

home

Replace the word

homes

show examples

with 3 children would get

Add an article

a benefit

show examples

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

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based on the country it’s in and

people

Use synonyms

or families that have no kids have to pay a

significant

Change the adjective

significantly

show examples

larger amount of

taxes

Use synonyms

to support those who

does

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

and the elderly

people

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, the rise of

older

Correct article usage

the older

show examples

population may cause great tension for the younger workers and to counter that problem, we can try to increase the country’s

overall

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newborn rate by making new political rules about

taxes

Use synonyms

Submitted by mizh.nguyen on Sat Jun 01 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from a clearer distinction between the potential benefits of increasing the newborn rate and the challenges of an aging population. Providing distinct paragraphs for each main point would improve clarity.

task achievement

Some of the ideas in the essay need more development and specific examples. For instance, explain how the proposed tax incentives have worked in other countries or theoretical models.

coherence cohesion

Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve clarity and readability. For example, 'Elderly people needs' should be 'Elderly people need,' and 'homes with 2 kdis' should be 'homes with 2 kids.'

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the issue and proposed solution effectively.

clear comprehensive ideas

You effectively raise a relevant and critical societal issue and suggest a plausible solution to it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cultural immersion
Life experience
Work ethic
Career readiness
Self-discovery
Delayed gratification
Intellectual stagnation
Financial implications
Social dynamics
Academic trajectory

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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Fully explain your ideas

SOme people think That parents should teach children how to be good memebers of society. Others believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

In today's job market it is far more important to have practical skils than theoretical knowledge. In the future, job applications may not need any formal qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say thw history is one of the most ....

These days, in many countries fewer and fewer people want to become teachers,particularly in secondary schools. What are the reason for this, and how could the problem be solved?