In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In our modern society, age longevity is going up.
This
could make up a new burden to society but we could stop the problem by increasing the newborn rate. With citizens having the ability to live for longer, an increase in old
people
population is inevitable. Higher-age individuals cannot take care of themselves both financially and physically;
thus
, they need someone younger and stronger to support them.
This
not only increases the amount of
taxes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
healthcare
,
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apply
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but
also
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
a rise in stress and problems that younger workers need to take care of. As an illustration
for
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of
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how much of a burden
this
could be, when
youthful
Correct word choice
young
show examples
citizens
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
faced with pressure, losing their motivation is only a matter of time.
Thus
,
this
leads to
an
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a
show examples
substantial decrease in productivity and
further
damaging
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damages
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the country’s
overall
economy. Countering
with
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apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
rise of
old-population
Correct your spelling
population
show examples
, my solution is to increase the newborn rate. Elderly
people
needs
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need
show examples
to be taken care of by the young proportion of society, so a rocket of newborns should be the key
for
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to
show examples
our problem; but how do we do that? IT would be best to create a political rule providing families which have more children more privileges.
For instance
, homes with 2
kdis
Correct your spelling
kids
would have lower
taxes
,
home
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homes
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with 3 children would get
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a benefit
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benefit
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benefits
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based on the country it’s in and
people
or families that have no kids have to pay a
significant
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significantly
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larger amount of
taxes
to support those who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
and the elderly
people
. In conclusion, the rise of
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
population may cause great tension for the younger workers and to counter that problem, we can try to increase the country’s
overall
newborn rate by making new political rules about
taxes
.
Submitted by mizh.nguyen on

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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer distinction between the potential benefits of increasing the newborn rate and the challenges of an aging population. Providing distinct paragraphs for each main point would improve clarity.
task achievement
Some of the ideas in the essay need more development and specific examples. For instance, explain how the proposed tax incentives have worked in other countries or theoretical models.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve clarity and readability. For example, 'Elderly people needs' should be 'Elderly people need,' and 'homes with 2 kdis' should be 'homes with 2 kids.'
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the issue and proposed solution effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
You effectively raise a relevant and critical societal issue and suggest a plausible solution to it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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