IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is necessary to use animals to test medicines or products intended for human use. Others, however, criticize this as animal cruelty. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #animals #test #medicines #products #cruelty
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Nowadays society believes that testing cosmetics or medicines with the use of
animals
 is essential for humanity. In my point of view, people have to treat
animals
 better, should notice that they are not just things which we can use for our sake and our world continues with cycles which can be damaged by forcing
animals
 to leave their homes. The primary reason for
that is
, that
animals
 deserve to be treated better,
however
, many people think that it is not a big deal to force them to serve themselves to us.
For example
, Mice are the most commonly used
animals
 for testing products intended for human use, because they can reproduce often but it does not mean that it makes them useless in
nature
. Every animal has undergone many transformations throughout the years and now they are in their most productive and perfect form for the earth and the environment that they inhabit. So, there is no way to reduce the reproduction of temporary
animals
 like mice by torturing them.
Secondly
,
animals
 are part of
nature
 which we live in and there are many cycles in every environment on earth. Taking
animals
 from where they live can cause many different situations in which humans will not be able to survive.
For example
, when
animals
 die cause of some illnesses or other problems their body starts to produce many bacteria and other microorganisms,
nevertheless
, these bodies are being eaten by different rodents or birds which prevents their separation. So, if these
animals
 are separated from the place they inhabit, it will cause many medical conditions which are filthy for humanity. All in all, every animal deserves to be treated well and they should be accepted as a part of
nature
 for earth's sake. By torturing them we are like torturing our
nature
 which can end the life on our planet.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Try to ensure your ideas are developed thoroughly. For instance, the second argument about how removing animals from their habitat can directly affect human survival could be further elaborated with more specific examples or data.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and focus of your arguments. Some sentences are a bit unclear and could benefit from more precise language. For example, the sentence 'So, there is no way to reduce the reproduction of temporary animals like mice by torturing them' could be rephrased for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical transitions between paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more seamlessly from one point to the next. Using cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'On the other hand,' can help to make the connections between your points more explicit.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments and bringing your discussion full circle.
task achievement
The main points are well supported with relevant examples and explanations, particularly in the first argument about the essential role of animals in their ecosystems.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Animal testing
  • Ethical concerns
  • Medical advancements
  • Safety assessment
  • Vaccines
  • Antibiotics
  • Physiological similarities
  • Cruelty-free alternatives
  • In vitro testing
  • Computer modeling
  • Synthetic human tissue
  • Sentient beings
  • Potential toxicity
  • Alternative methods
  • Humane and cost-effective
  • Research institutions
  • Reliability
  • Ethical considerations
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