Nowadays many people have Access to computers on a wide basis and large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done minimize bad effects?
These days,
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
is
can be accessed so Unnecessary verb
apply
easy
Change the word
easily
for
many people and especially Change preposition
by
children
can access to
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
a computer
computer
and Fix the agreement mistake
computers
they
play Correct pronoun usage
apply
games
from
Change preposition
on
computer
. In Add an article
the computer
a computer
this
case
some problems arise. Add a comma
case,
This
issue will be discussed in this
essay along with
some possible solutions that may be implemented to alleviate the problem.
Some troubles to came
, since Change the form of the verb
come
computer
have Fix the agreement mistake
computers
became
widespread. One of those, kids have Wrong verb form
become
became
Wrong verb form
become
asocialized
, they move away from physical Correct your spelling
socialized
socialised
games
and they don’t go out day by day because they have been spending a lot of time with computer
from Correct article usage
a computer
little
age. The other problem, when Correct word choice
a young
children
play kind of war, fight and action games
, children
have been getting
Wrong verb form
get
agressive
in the process of time and they Correct your spelling
aggressive
reflect
Verb problem
relate
games
to the
real life. Kids’ Correct article usage
apply
psychlogy
negatively affects because of Correct your spelling
psychology
computer
games
.
First and firemost
, every Correct your spelling
foremost
children
are important for
their parents and family. To solve these problems, Change preposition
to
to
Change preposition
apply
children
should not be allowed to spend too much time on the computer
or games
. Children
should have certain play times. For example
, half or one hour a day. When the game finishes, kids should be gone
outside and they are Wrong verb form
go
socialized
Wrong verb form
socialise
at
least one hour. Another possible solution; kids should play more entertaining and more colourful Change preposition
for at
games
instead
of war, fight
and containing Replace the word
fighting
violance
Correct your spelling
violence
violent
games
. Thus
children
are kept away from severity.
Put in a nutshell, sometimes accessibility
of Correct article usage
the accessibility
computer
can be dangerous for Fix the agreement mistake
computers
children
. Parents should be conscios
to Correct your spelling
conscious
protect
their Wrong verb form
protecting
children
from computer
’s potantial
Correct your spelling
potential
potentially
dangerous
.Replace the word
dangers
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task achievement
The essay addresses the main topic and presents both the negative impacts of playing computer games and potential solutions. However, the response could be more comprehensive, with further elaboration on points discussed.
task achievement
Some sentences are unclear and contain grammatical errors. Try to proofread your essay to avoid these issues and improve the clarity of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations. Sometimes, the ideas are not fully developed, which weakens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of the text.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your main points stronger by providing specific examples and detailed explanations. This will improve the cohesiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
The writer makes an effort to address both the negative impacts of playing computer games and potential solutions, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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