IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view

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Zoos
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 have long been a part of human culture, yet their existence now sparks significant debate. Some argue that
zoos
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 play a crucial role in conserving and studying various
species
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,
while
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 others contend that confining
animals
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 away from their natural habitats is inherently cruel. In my opinion,
animals
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 should live in their natural environments, and
therefore
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,
zoos
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 should be abolished. Visiting
zoos
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 is a popular leisure activity worldwide and is often seen as an educational opportunity. School excursions to
zoos
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 aim to teach students about different
species
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 and their ecosystems. Observing
animals
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 firsthand can enhance students' understanding of wildlife, complementing classroom lessons.
Moreover
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, some
zoos
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 contribute to the
conservation
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 and rehabilitation of endangered
species
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, which is a notable benefit that supports their existence.
However
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, keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 can cause significant stress, as these environments do not replicate their natural habitats.
Species
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such
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 as lions and monkeys, which thrive in expansive territories, often suffer in confined zoo enclosures. The constant presence of visitors
further
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 exacerbates their distress.
This
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 confinement and exposure can be seen as a form of cruelty.
Consequently
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, I believe that
zoos
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 should be either closed or repurposed exclusively for wildlife
conservation
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 and rehabilitation, without public access. Educational programs can utilize virtual tours and documentaries to teach students about
animals
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, eliminating the need for physical visits to
zoos
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. In conclusion,
although
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zoos
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 offer educational and
conservation
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 benefits, the ethical issues of keeping
animals
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 in captivity outweigh these advantages. Transforming
zoos
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 into
conservation
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centers
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centres
show examples
 and utilizing digital resources for education would better respect animal welfare
while
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 still providing learning opportunities.

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task achievement
In your essay, ensure to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when you mention the stress on zoo animals, you could provide an example of a specific incident or well-documented case.
task achievement
Try to deepen your analysis on both sides of the argument, providing a more in-depth look at the benefits zoos provide and the ethical concerns surrounding them.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, discussing both sides of the argument and clearly presenting your own view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with an effective introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported throughout the essay, which helps in building a strong argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • zoos
  • animal rights
  • conservation
  • rehabilitation
  • sanctuary
  • ethical considerations
  • natural habitat
  • psychological well-being
  • endangered species
  • educational programs
  • animal welfare
  • exploitation
  • human superiority
  • wildlife preservation
  • abnormal behaviors
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