Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is argued that most manufactured food and beverage items consist of large amounts of sugar

contains

Verb problem

apply

show examples

that trigger various health-related issues

Change preposition

show examples

humans. One of the ways to decrease sugary intake is to increase the price of these

products

Use synonyms

. I agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion and the forthcoming essay will elaborate clearly.

Firstly

Linking Words

, apart from all age groups, everyone likes to eat sweet snacks and beverages in day-to-day life.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the amount of intake is directly proportional to the number of diseases that anyone can get. One way of sorting out

this

Linking Words

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

issue is to increase the price and tax of these

products

Use synonyms

so that the public will eventually tend to buy less and less.

For example

Linking Words

, the Ministry of Health Sri Lanka has announced that, in 2023, the number of smokers decreased drastically as the government imposed more tariffs on smoking

products

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, the World Health Organization reported that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

three out of five persons are suffering from diabetes worldwide. It has

also

Linking Words

reported

Add a missing verb

been reported

show examples

that, if a person suffers from diabetes, he or she is more likely to get other diseases

such

Linking Words

as cholesterol, loss in eye vision, heart problems, etc.

Moreover

Linking Words

, parents and adults splurge huge amounts of money to purchase these

products

Use synonyms

to satisfy their children's and their desires which will eventually cost more money to cure these diseases. In conclusion, I agree with the opinion of making these sugary

products

Use synonyms

expensive in order to decrease their consumption. These manufactured snacks and beverages not only cause health-related problems but

also

Linking Words

lead people to spend more money on treatment.

thanushan.kulathasanSat Jun 01 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the given task by presenting a clear opinion and supporting it with relevant points and examples. However, consider elaborating more on the point about increasing prices and taxes on sugary products with more specific examples or data.

task achievement

Ensure clarity in your ideas by slightly restructuring some sentences to avoid confusion. For instance, the sentence "One way of sorting out this is issue is to increase the price and tax of these products so that the public will eventually tend to buy less and less." could be simplified for better readability.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, improve the transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow. Phrases like, "Another reason to consider..." could be used to help link paragraphs.

supported main points

While your main points are supported, adding a bit more depth and additional arguments or evidence could strengthen your essay. For instance, discussing the economic impact on low-income families or considering alternative solutions could add more dimensions.

introduction conclusion present

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.

relevant specific examples

The example about Sri Lanka's smoking tariffs was particularly effective in supporting your argument.

logical structure

Your essay is well-organized and easy to follow, with logical progression from one point to the next.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree?
Several individuals believe that those who are unemployed are better than those who are employed but they do not like them. Personally, I totally disagree with this statement because of some major reasons which I shall explain in more detail in this essay.
6.5
band
Along with economic development, the environment of the world is being seriously polluted. What economic activities can cause harm to the environment? What can be done to prevent this?
The growth of the economy these days has resulted in the level of pollution becoming worse. This is mainly caused by human activities in industrialisation and energy production. However, there are anumber of solutions that should be implemented in order to avoid this issue such as implementing strict regulations and protocols and promoting renewable energy sources.
6
band
Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?
Lately, a plethora of topics are being seriously discussed among various individuals and groups, and one prominent one is that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, some people believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. This essay will explain whether it can be justified and the possible alternatives that should be done instead.
7
band
You took your family to a nearby restaurant. You were disappointed with the meal and wish to complain to the manager. Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. In the letter: explain why you were at the restaurant describe the problems write about the action you want the manager to take
I am writing this letter to complain about your restaurant's service, which I experienced disrespected and awful last weekend when I and my wife were there on our marriage anniversary day.
7.5
band
Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or negative impact on individuals and the society?
In several nations, there is a noticeable investment in more environment-friendly means of transportation, particularly bicycles. The writer of this essay, in light of this, contends that this is due to the rising awareness of severely damaged environments among individuals, while it is readily beneficial for improving their health conditions.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree?

Along with economic development, the environment of the world is being seriously polluted. What economic activities can cause harm to the environment? What can be done to prevent this?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

You took your family to a nearby restaurant. You were disappointed with the meal and wish to complain to the manager. Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. In the letter: explain why you were at the restaurant describe the problems write about the action you want the manager to take

Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or negative impact on individuals and the society?