Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that most manufactured food and beverage items consist of large amounts of sugar
contains
that trigger various health-related issues Verb problem
apply
to
humans. One of the ways to decrease sugary intake is to increase the price of these Change preposition
in
products
. I agree with this
opinion and the forthcoming essay will elaborate clearly.
Firstly
, apart from all age groups, everyone likes to eat sweet snacks and beverages in day-to-day life. Furthermore
, the amount of intake is directly proportional to the number of diseases that anyone can get. One way of sorting out this
is
issue is to increase the price and tax of these Unnecessary verb
apply
products
so that the public will eventually tend to buy less and less. For example
, the Ministry of Health Sri Lanka has announced that, in 2023, the number of smokers decreased drastically as the government imposed more tariffs on smoking products
.
Secondly
, the World Health Organization reported that,
three out of five persons are suffering from diabetes worldwide. It has Remove the comma
apply
also
reported
that, if a person suffers from diabetes, he or she is more likely to get other diseases Add a missing verb
been reported
such
as cholesterol, loss in eye vision, heart problems, etc. Moreover
, parents and adults splurge huge amounts of money to purchase these products
to satisfy their children's and their desires which will eventually cost more money to cure these diseases.
In conclusion, I agree with the opinion of making these sugary products
expensive in order to decrease their consumption. These manufactured snacks and beverages not only cause health-related problems but also
lead people to spend more money on treatment.Submitted by thanushan.kulathasan on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the given task by presenting a clear opinion and supporting it with relevant points and examples. However, consider elaborating more on the point about increasing prices and taxes on sugary products with more specific examples or data.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your ideas by slightly restructuring some sentences to avoid confusion. For instance, the sentence "One way of sorting out this is issue is to increase the price and tax of these products so that the public will eventually tend to buy less and less." could be simplified for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, improve the transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow. Phrases like, "Another reason to consider..." could be used to help link paragraphs.
supported main points
While your main points are supported, adding a bit more depth and additional arguments or evidence could strengthen your essay. For instance, discussing the economic impact on low-income families or considering alternative solutions could add more dimensions.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
relevant specific examples
The example about Sri Lanka's smoking tariffs was particularly effective in supporting your argument.
logical structure
Your essay is well-organized and easy to follow, with logical progression from one point to the next.
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