IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Parents allowed their children to use ipad. Do tou agree or disagree

#parents #children #ipad #tou
Nowadays,
Ipad
Correct your spelling
iPads
 have
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role for
children
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have many educational apps that enhance learning and development in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. Some
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 don't have
mich
Correct your spelling
much
show examples
 time to take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 child
then
 they
use
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 to raise their child.
Ipad
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
. I think
children
 at
age
 below 2
years
shoul
Correct your spelling
should
 not
use
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 but
Correct pronoun usage
those age
show examples
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 above 2
years
 can
use
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
. I will discuss the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvange
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs. On the one hand,
Correct article usage
the Ipad
show examples
Ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for elementary school students because
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 have many educational apps for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students and
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 can stimulate their imagination.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
Correct article usage
the Ipad
show examples
Ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
show examples
 can improve
children
's
hands-eyes
Correct your spelling
hands-eye
show examples
 coordination and fine motor skills. In the future technology will grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and have innovation,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 would be good
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 to learn how to
use
 the
technilogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
.
On the other hand
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are many
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
show examples
 of
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 in
children
 at
age
 below 2
years
.
In
Change preposition
The
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical research,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prove
Correct subject-verb agreement
proves
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 at
age
 below 2
years
 who
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 screen time
Change preposition
for more
show examples
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 than 2 hours per day
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 risk of autistic-like
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
such
 as lack of interaction
Change preposition
with
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other people,inattention and conductive disorder. Autistic-like
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to be a big problem in the future.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
ipad
 is
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to access the internet that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
much content
show examples
many contents
Fix the agreement mistake
much content
show examples
 that
inappropriate
Add a missing verb
are inappropriate
show examples
Change preposition
for
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
such
 as
Replace the word
violent
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 and sexual
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 and
children
Correct your spelling
learn
leran
Correct your spelling
learn
 from these contents
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
make
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
inappropiate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and many social
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
will come
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. Another
disadvatage
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
 of using the
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 is the blue light that
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the eyes and
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of
eyes
Change the noun form
eye
show examples
 problems. Overusing of
ipad
 can lead to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
activitys
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 and
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to
increased
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
 their weight and become an
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
children
 that have many medical problems
following
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. So parents should monitor and control the
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
use
 by their
children
 and give them suggestions about should and shouldn't
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
,
Ipad
Correct your spelling
iPads
 have pros and cons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. I think
children
 below 2
years
shouln't
Correct your spelling
shouldn't
use
Correct article usage
an ipad
show examples
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 but
children
 above 2
years
 can
use
Correct article usage
an ipad
show examples
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 under the control of their parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
most benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
.
Submitted by papica13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Try to use varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the essay's overall readability and sophistication.
grammar
Ensure accurate grammar and usage such as subject-verb agreement ('Ipad have' should be 'Ipad has').
development
Try to include specific examples and research findings to support your points more robustly.
task achievement
Acknowledge counterarguments and address them to enhance your argument's balance and depth.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the pros and cons of children using iPads.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
The essay addresses various aspects of the issue, including educational benefits, health risks, and the importance of parental monitoring.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: