IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that the most important aim of science is it improves people' lives. What extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #aim #science #lives
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In
this
 day and age, It is widely believed that the primary goal of
science
 is to enhance the quality of human life. The writer of
this
 essay agrees with
this
 notion
due to
 bringing convenience to housework and providing modern means of transportation. To commence with, scientific products are able to support
people
 in housekeeping.
In other words
, electronic appliances
such
 as vacuums and fridges are the tools that can reduce challenges in doing housework for individuals, especially those who are busy with their work and do not have sufficient time for their families .
As a result
,
people
 will be less burned out and will possess more leisure time for other crucial activities. Take,
for example
, Japan, where 30% of citizens in 2021 said that they were more comfortable in cleaning dishes since individuals bought washing machines for their kitchens. Producing new vehicles,
moreover
, is one of the accomplishments of
science
 that makes human life more convenient. To be more specific, since traffic transportation was upgraded,
people
 have been able to reach their destinations swiftly.
Furthermore
, the existence of transportation
also
 fosters commercial trade between various nations that improves human amenities all around the world.
For instance
, The New York Times in 2019 showed that in Vietnam, there were 20 million motorbikes which helped 23 million commuters go to their workplaces punctually.
Thus
,
science
 reduces the difficulty of doing housework and supplies various traffic transits for
people
.
Hence
, enhancing the quality of living is the most crucial target of
science
.
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introduction conclusion
Aim to provide a clearer and more focused introduction that succinctly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. This will help the reader understand your argument from the start.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and that the ideas within each paragraph flow smoothly from one to the next. This will enhance the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Try to further elaborate on your points and provide more detailed examples. This will help in fully achieving the task response and making your argument more compelling.
general
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve the overall clarity and readability of your essay.
task achievement
Strong use of relevant and specific examples to support the main points. This enhances the credibility of your arguments and shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence
Well-organized essay with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt effectively, focusing on how science enhances the quality of life through convenience in housework and improved transportation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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