IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

#students #attention #school
Nowadays,several
students
 struggle to focus during class or lose their passion for
education
. Mainly, that occurs because of two reasons: weakness in the content of studying materials and the unavailability of interesting activities in school.
This
 essay will highlight the reasons for
this
 situation and suggest some practical solutions that might increase the desire for
education
 in
students
.
Firstly
, difficulty concentrating during class refers to a decrease in the attractive topics in the studying materials;
therefore
, the content of the subjects only includes scientific information; it does not contain different social topics or interesting experiences.
Secondly
, most schools give priority to
education
 and do not give the same support to other activities
such
 as sports,art,and cooking. To illustrate,the
students
 spend longer hours in class than time in activities.  It is suggested that the
education
 governments modify the content of subject material by adding topics and experiences that are interesting for the young generation.
In addition
, the design of the books, including pictures and
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
, plays a significant role in attracting
students
.
In other words
,the schools should encourage the
students
 to improve their hobbies and obtain many skills by creating a suitable environment and providing all the requirements and tools needed.
To sum up
,we could say that
students
 spend long hours in school;
therefore
, they should receive a
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
 and improve their personalities at the same time.
Submitted by jumanh114 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

detail
Expand on specific, real-life examples to illustrate your points, adding depth to your argument.
support
Avoid general statements without backing them up with details or evidence; it strengthens your argument.
structure
You have a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps make your essay coherent.
content
Your suggestions for improvement are practical and well thought out, demonstrating a solid understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: