IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television.​ ​ Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support you position

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Emerging technology nowadays in terms of the
internet
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 makes a huge impact rather than
television
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for
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on
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 human lives. I agree with
this
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 statement because the customization and fast
information
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 from the
internet
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 are what today's
people
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 need.
To begin
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 with, the
internet
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 has become a more attractive source for getting
information
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. It allows
people
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 to find any
information
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 by customization of the
search specific
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search-specific
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 keyword. If we compare it to
the
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apply
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television
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, it will not provide any relevant topic that everyone needs.
For example
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, bankers in the morning tend to find any relevant issues
such
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 as commodity price, stock price, and interest rate. They only use the
internet
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 to answer particular topics and customize the detailed
information
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 by using the relevant keywords.
Otherwise
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,
television
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 only provides general
information
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 given from the channel.
In Addition
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, Prior to 2000, majority of the
people
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 used
television
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 as a source of true
information
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 because it was the fastest way at the moment.
However
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, in early 2010, getting
information
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 from the
internet
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 is quicker rather than
television
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. A professor from Harvard University, namely Professor Paul Farmer made a report about how fast the
internet
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 generates
information
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. The result shows that only 0,05 seconds of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 will generate relevant
information
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 that every single person needs.
This
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 advantage will be beneficial for several sectors
such
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 as Banking which they get fast
information
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 to analyse and make a position to buy or sell and
also
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 for entertainment few artists or celebrities are able to post their photos on Instagram for business purposes.
To conclude
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, I strongly agree
Internet
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 has become more popular than prior to 2000 because
people
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 are able to seek relevant
information
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 through customization keywords and get or provide fast
information
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 from the
Internet
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.

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detail
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, mentioning actual websites or apps that provide fast and customizable information would make the essay more convincing.
clarity
Ensure that all sentences contribute to the main argument. Some sentences can be rephrased to improve clarity and link better with the overall argument.
task
The essay addresses the prompt well and clearly states a position on the issue of the internet versus television.
structure
The introduction provides a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.
coherence
The essay is generally well-organized with a logical flow between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interactive
  • Engaging experience
  • Immediate access
  • Vast amount of information
  • Educational resources
  • Personal and professional growth
  • Social media platforms
  • Communication and connection
  • Various forms of entertainment
  • Diverse interests
  • E-commerce
  • Two-way interaction
  • Consume content
  • Create and share
  • Beneficial
  • Flourished
  • Convenience
  • One-way medium
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