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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents nowadays put more pressure on their children to succeed. Why? Negative or positive?

#parents #pressure #children
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In the modern era, some
parents
 enforce greater pressure on their
children
 in order to succeed. There are some significant causes for
this
 trend, most of which, in my assessment, have been positive. One reason is that
parents
 want their
children
 to be economically secure in a money-led society. In a society where material values and living standards increase, having academic
success
 is a stepping stone to a high-paying job to ensure financial security. Another reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Parents
 might contrast the achievements of their kids with others
as a result
 of social media and social norms, which increases the pressure to ensure
success
. Social media evidence
such
 as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 roll students, scholarship recipients, people obtaining great prizes, or even just the
success
 of other people's
children
 displayed on social media platforms like Facebook and Tiktok raises expectations. There is more competition among
parents
.
However
,
this
 tendency has benefits
as well as
 drawbacks. One of the significant advantages is that
children
's chances of
success
 can be increased by helping them focus their efforts on worthwhile activities owing to clear expectations. A child who aspires to get accepted into an outstanding academic program concentrates greater attention on their studies because of the pressure to achieve the requirements. High expectations can
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 a fear of failure in youngsters, preventing them from taking healthy chances and embracing vital learning opportunities.
Children
's ability to generate opportunities for themselves might be limited by their fear of failure, which can lead to cheating. These items can form harmful habits in them. In conclusion, there are plenty of reasons why some
parents
 currently place greater emphasis on their
children
's
success
.
As a result
, there may be
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 effects on the
children
's well-being and development.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • extracurricular activities
  • prosperous future
  • societal standards
  • peer competition
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • unfulfilled ambitions
  • resource availability
  • opportunity exploitation
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