IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents nowadays put more pressure on their children to succeed. Why? Negative or positive?

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In the modern era, some
parents
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 enforce greater pressure on their
children
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 in order to succeed. There are some significant causes for
this
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 trend, most of which, in my assessment, have been positive. One reason is that
parents
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 want their
children
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 to be economically secure in a money-led society. In a society where material values and living standards increase, having academic
success
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 is a stepping stone to a high-paying job to ensure financial security. Another reason is that
,
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apply
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Parents
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 might contrast the achievements of their kids with others
as a result
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 of social media and social norms, which increases the pressure to ensure
success
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. Social media evidence
such
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 as
honor
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honour
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 roll students, scholarship recipients, people obtaining great prizes, or even just the
success
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 of other people's
children
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 displayed on social media platforms like Facebook and Tiktok raises expectations. There is more competition among
parents
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.
However
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,
this
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 tendency has benefits
as well as
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 drawbacks. One of the significant advantages is that
children
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's chances of
success
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 can be increased by helping them focus their efforts on worthwhile activities owing to clear expectations. A child who aspires to get accepted into an outstanding academic program concentrates greater attention on their studies because of the pressure to achieve the requirements. High expectations can
instill
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instil
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 a fear of failure in youngsters, preventing them from taking healthy chances and embracing vital learning opportunities.
Children
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's ability to generate opportunities for themselves might be limited by their fear of failure, which can lead to cheating. These items can form harmful habits in them. In conclusion, there are plenty of reasons why some
parents
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 currently place greater emphasis on their
children
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's
success
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.
As a result
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, there may be
favorable
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favourable
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 effects on the
children
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's well-being and development.

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Relevant Specific Examples
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Logical Structure
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Introduction/Conclusion Present
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly present and help frame the essay well.
Complete Response
The essay addresses the question comprehensively, discussing both reasons and effects concisely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • extracurricular activities
  • prosperous future
  • societal standards
  • peer competition
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • unfulfilled ambitions
  • resource availability
  • opportunity exploitation
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