There is a table shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished and the charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how were pleased they were visit, during the same two periods.

There is a table shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished and the charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how were pleased they were visit, during the same two periods.
There is a table
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
the numbers of
visitors
to Ashdown Museum during the
year
before and the
year
after it was refurbished and the charts show the result of surveys asking
visitors
how were pleased they
were visit
Change the verb form
were visited
were visiting
show examples
, during the same two periods.
Year
Add an article
The year
A year
show examples
before refurbishment from
total
Change the article
a total
the total
show examples
number of 74000
due to
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
the high figure of
visitors
ended up dissatisfied
while
after
renovation
Add an article
a renovation
show examples
this
result changed
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
satisfied. The
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
of both charts which are obvious the
year
before and after restoration demonstrated that no response to surveys of visitor satisfaction. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, 31,013
visitors
were unsatisfied
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
before
Correct article usage
the refurbished
show examples
refurbished
Replace the word
refurbishment
show examples
but
these figure
Change the determiner
this figure
these figures
show examples
decreased to 13,800 after the repair. The number of satisfied people increased from 22,200 before the revamp to 36,800 after it. 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of the total
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
74,000 were very satisfied in the pre-renovation survey, and 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in the post-survey of 92,000 people. The figure of very dissatisfied
visitors
declined from 10
percent
according to
the first chart to 5
percent
after the renovation.
To conclude
, the
refurbished
Replace the word
refurbishment
show examples
of
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
had the greatest impact on the number of dissatisfied and satisfied people.
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, year, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor statistics
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal trends
  • demographics
  • benchmarking
  • feedback mechanisms
  • amenities
  • exhibitions
  • customer experience
  • turnaround
  • user engagement
  • footfall
  • improvements
  • disparities
  • perception
  • enhancements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: