IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Very large international companies are becoming extremely powerful. some people believe that it is a negative development In your opinion is it a negative or positive?

There is an ongoing debate as to whether the dominance of multinational corporations is a detrimental shift.
Although
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this
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 trend comes with certain drawbacks that warrant careful consideration, I firmly believe that it offers substantial benefits, particularly by creating stable employment opportunities. One key reason for prioritizing international enterprises is that they help create job opportunities for local residents.
That is
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, when very large organizations start working in various locations, their scale requires a large number of staff members in order to develop the process of manufacturing their materials.
For example
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, the Coca-Cola company conducts its operations across multiple countries, including but not limited to Turkey, France, Russia and Uzbekistan, thereby alleviating poverty levels among local communities. If it were not for international corporations , it would have a detrimental influence on both local people and government. An increasingly pressing issue related to large-scale associations operating globally is they push many local businesses towards bankruptcy.
In other words
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, international companies invest a huge amount of money in marketing so as to enhance their financial health and reputation.
However
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, small local companies, in most cases barely make ends meet,
as a result
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 of which their profit margins are projected to decline.
For instance
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, when
a
Correct article usage
the
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 world-famous fast-food brand KFC started its operations in my country, Uzbekistan, many local fast-food enterprises left the market. Were it not for multinational businesses in many parts of the globe, a wide variety of small outlets could continue their operations. In conclusion, the rise of multinational companies can admittedly pose challenges for
local
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the local
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 field. Despite these, my own conviction is that they can be a positive development because of boosting local economies.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While you present a clear opinion, the transition between paragraphs could be strengthened to enhance the overall logical flow of your arguments. Consider using clearer linking phrases to indicate how each point supports your thesis.
Task Response
Your examples are relevant and support your points effectively, but it might improve clarity to draw a stronger connection between the evidence and your argument. Explain a bit more about how these examples reinforce your main points.
Task Response
In your conclusion, you might want to more explicitly address the implications of your argument or propose a way forward for local businesses in relation to multinational firms. This could help deepen the discussion.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and is structured logically with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.
Task Achievement
You provide good examples to support your points, particularly with the Coca-Cola and KFC references, which are relevant and help illustrate your argument well.
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