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Band 6

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

#species #animals #risk
A wide range of
animals
 are present in different parts of the world. There are
variety
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a variety
show examples
 of
animals
 that have disappeared and only a few still exist. The risk factors involved here can affect the other
animals
 soon. I would like to discuss the reasons behind
this
 and preventive measures to reduce
this
 problem. On the one hand, people are expanding their living space by removing trees and many other natural resources.
This
 is affecting the living conditions for a few species as the rainfall is less
due to
 the cut-down of trees.
Furthermore
, cutting large numbers of trees makes the climate warmer and it will affect the
animals
 which used to live in colder climates.
As a result
. these
animals
 will eventually be getting reduced.
On the other hand
, we could see people are taking care of pet
animals
 but not protecting the wild
animals
 and there are
also
 hunting and other things affecting them.
This
 could
also
 lead to a slow decrease in their population which eventually makes them extinct.
For instance
, many countries haven't protected the tiger for a long time and now we can see the recent survey says there are only thousands of them all over the world.
Similarly
, there are other range of
animals
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
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 protection as their lives are in danger
due to
 not maintaining the forest and people encroaching on their borders. In conclusion, we should provide a nice environment for a variety of
animals
 without disturbing their natural conditions and
also
 try to protect them so their population will not disappear soon.
Submitted by mailramkrish on

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task achievement
The essay provides a relevant response to the task, but it could elaborate more on the reasons and solutions to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and explanations to make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion present. However, a more logical progression and connection between points would enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly with clear topic sentences.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in the overall readability of your essay.
supported main points
Your points on deforestation and climate change, as well as on hunting, are relevant and contribute to the task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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