Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both the views and state your own opinion.

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One
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school of thought thinks that rather than investing less
time
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in earning
money
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to get more free
time
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, individuals should spend more
time
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towards
work
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to earn more income even if they have less free
time
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. In my opinion, people should do enough
work
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so that they can have enough
money
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to cover their necessities, but not on the cost of relationships. With regard to doing more
work
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with the aim to have more
money
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so that
one
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can bring as much as comforts in their
life
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to improve their lifestyle,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, they have left with a small amount of
time
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to spend with their family, and for their own well-being is considered a wise decision by many people in societies who believe that
money
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is the most important factor to bring happiness to their
lives
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.
Furthermore
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, individual people think that having
luxuries
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in
life
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promotes enjoyment and satisfaction in their
lives
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, and the
luxuries
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can bring only
by
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apply
show examples
a surplus amount of
money
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,
therefore
Linking Words
, individuals should think less about spare
time
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, and do
work
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as much as they can so that they can buy
luxuries
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in their
lives
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which make them and their families happy.
On the other hand
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,
one
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part of society considered that
one
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should have a good amount of
time
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to spend with their loved ones in spite of spending a major proportion of their
lives
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just doing jobs to earn
money
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. Undeniably,
money
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is a necessity in everyone's
life
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, but it does not guarantee happiness in
life
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, which a person can get from his loved ones. If
one
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can have enough
money
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through his
work
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that person can meet all the needs of his
life
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and family members,
then
Linking Words
a person should not unnecessarily waste their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
earning more and more monetary rewards, because having
luxuries
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
temporary enjoyment and satisfaction, the real-
life
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contentment comes through good deeds
such
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as helping others, charity, build a strong bond with family members that will provide the long-term fulfilment. In conclusion,
although
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money
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is required to enjoy a good
life
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,
however
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, putting all their
time
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into
work
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, and less
time
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for their own and family
life
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and
also
Linking Words
for society, I believe, is not the right path for a good
life
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, because having caring and loving relationships are the utmost need of
life
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that earn with good behaviour, by giving
time
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to them, not merely only with the
money
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.
Submitted by kanwalkaur05 on

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task achievement
Your response effectively addresses the task, but ensure that each paragraph clearly develops a single main idea to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
Strengthen your essay by including specific, relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-presented introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your discussion.
task achievement
You have presented balanced views on both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, with a logical flow in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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