Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both the views and state your own opinion.
One
school of thought thinks that rather than investing less time
in earning money
to get more free time
, individuals should spend more time
towards work
to earn more income even if they have less free time
. In my opinion, people should do enough work
so that they can have enough money
to cover their necessities, but not on the cost of relationships.
With regard to doing more work
with the aim to have more money
so that one
can bring as much as comforts in their life
to improve their lifestyle, nevertheless
, they have left with a small amount of time
to spend with their family, and for their own well-being is considered a wise decision by many people in societies who believe that money
is the most important factor to bring happiness to their lives
. Furthermore
, individual people think that having luxuries
in life
promotes enjoyment and satisfaction in their lives
, and the luxuries
can bring only by
a surplus amount of Change preposition
apply
money
, therefore
, individuals should think less about spare time
, and do work
as much as they can so that they can buy luxuries
in their lives
which make them and their families happy.
On the other hand
, one
part of society considered that one
should have a good amount of time
to spend with their loved ones in spite of spending a major proportion of their lives
just doing jobs to earn money
. Undeniably, money
is a necessity in everyone's life
, but it does not guarantee happiness in life
, which a person can get from his loved ones. If one
can have enough money
through his work
that person can meet all the needs of his life
and family members, then
a person should not unnecessarily waste their times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
in
earning more and more monetary rewards, because having Change preposition
apply
luxuries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
the
temporary enjoyment and satisfaction, the real-Correct article usage
a
life
contentment comes through good deeds such
as helping others, charity, build a strong bond with family members that will provide the long-term fulfilment.
In conclusion, although
money
is required to enjoy a good life
, however
, putting all their time
into work
, and less time
for their own and family life
and also
for society, I believe, is not the right path for a good life
, because having caring and loving relationships are the utmost need of life
that earn with good behaviour, by giving time
to them, not merely only with the money
.Submitted by kanwalkaur05 on
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task achievement
Your response effectively addresses the task, but ensure that each paragraph clearly develops a single main idea to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
Strengthen your essay by including specific, relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-presented introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your discussion.
task achievement
You have presented balanced views on both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, with a logical flow in your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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