IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the remain purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extend to do you agree or disagree

#people #remain #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
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Nowadays, the primary target in education of schools
want
Verb problem
is for
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 their
students
Use synonyms
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 or employees that help the social better and better, rather than they can
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 individualized advantage. Of course,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 totally concur
the
Change preposition
with the
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 first statement because in order to be excellent people not hard, yet not everyone can do it. Most aims of
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 help their
students
Use synonyms
 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good people.
In
Change preposition
At
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present
Add an article
the present
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 time, the awareness of
undergraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
undergraduates
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 will receive a lot of respect from everyone because they always have
aware
Replace the word
awareness
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to protect
Change preposition
of protecting
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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 of
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
a school
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the aware
students
Use synonyms
 will pick up
litters
Fix the agreement mistake
litter
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 from
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 yard or other sites into rubbish
bin
Fix the agreement mistake
bins
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 to make the
educate d
Correct your spelling
educated
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 environment fresher and fresher.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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morals
also
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 get
admirations
Fix the agreement mistake
admiration
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 and help from teachers.
For example
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, when you get some hard homework, you will
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
indicated
Correct article usage
an indicated
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 introduction
of
Change preposition
to
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this
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 homework from your teachers.
Additionally
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, schools will do anything that can make their
students
Use synonyms
 to be a benefit person for
country
Add an article
the country
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.
On the other hand
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, the
school
Use synonyms
 can not exist long-term to train their student to
good
Add a missing verb
be good
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 citizens and workers.
That is
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 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they should teach and help them find
job
Correct your spelling
a
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 career or some skills of our lifestyles. We can
easy
Change the word
easily
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 see that in Vietnam, the
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
 usually
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
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 to main subjects than social subjects
such
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 as Math, English or Chemistry.
However
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, nowadays, we hardly find suited jobs or which we want to do,
whereas
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 in social, there are a lot of jobs with various majority. So, academies ought to assist in finding the talents of
students
Use synonyms
 and it can improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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social
Change preposition
of social
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 In conclusion, the academies must train their pupils to
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 and help them reach suited jobs that
depending
Wrong verb form
depend
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 on their talents.
Additionally
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, the education of schools should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
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equally
Change the adverb
equal
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 time on everything and it will benefit our communities.
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to support it with relevant ideas.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question and the student makes an effort to discuss both sides of the argument.
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