IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lives #celebrities #media
It is not suggested that totally share the personal
lives
 of famous
people
 by the
media
.
Although
 some
celebrities
 can be positive models for young
people
, I totally agree that private
lives
 must not be openly shared with the public by the
media
. Some
celebrities
 could be role models for young
people
 because of their successes and achievements. The main reason is that it is possible to motivate young
people
 to work hard or study by sharing the
lives
 of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
 in the press or social
media
.
Therefore
,
this
 sharing may be important, because we all want some kind of motivational force in our
life
.
On the other hand
, some
celebrities
 do not want to share their private
lives
. It would impact their work and the security of information.
Furthermore
, it
also
 may be a risk to their relationships. Negative thoughts of the public about their private
lives
 could emotionally damage them.
As a result
, their mood and work productivity would reduce.
Moreover
,
celebrities
' personal information, bank passwords, and codes might be revealed by totally sharing their private
lives
 .
For example
, in 2014, Micheal Tayson, who is one of the most famous sportsmen, was interviewed about their private
life
 in the press. After two days, nearly 28000$ was stolen from his bank account. After investigations, it was clear that the main reason was sharing information about his private
life
.
Thus
, totally sharing the personal
lives
 of
celebrities
 would be dangerous for their
life
. In conclusion,
celebrities
 can be role models for young
people
.
However
, their private
lives
 must not be totally shared by the
media
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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example
Consider including more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the second body paragraph.
language
Try to maintain a consistent tone and formal language throughout the essay. Phrases like 'totally share' can be replaced with more formal alternatives such as 'fully disclose.'
structure
While your main points are clear, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and elaborates on it completely. This will improve clarity and readability.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively written, providing a clear position on the topic.
structure
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
example
You have used specific examples to support your main points, which adds strength to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Media scrutiny
  • Public persona
  • Personal autonomy
  • Sensationalism
  • Paparazzi
  • Tabloid journalism
  • Right to privacy
  • Mental well-being
  • Public interest
  • Ethical journalism
  • Celebrity culture
  • Gossip columns
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