IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to
Linking Words
 a survey, people would live a
life
Use synonyms
 without working rather than working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 author disapproves of it because working is a necessary activity
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 live and to bring our
dream
Use synonyms
 in real
life
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it is vital to acknowledge that working plays an important role in maintaining normal
life
Use synonyms
. Particularly, a
life
Use synonyms
 is involved and
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on food, drink,
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
 place to sleep, and
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
 environment.
However
Linking Words
, those are unrenewable if they are destroyed or run out of.
Therefore
Linking Words
, creatures have to
work
Use synonyms
 for themselves to maintain them to supply enough to meet their demands.
For example
Linking Words
, inhabitants of China in the past had stopped growing plants and animals for food since they thought they could import enough for them to use,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 led to
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 crisis and famine in
this
Linking Words
 country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
full-working
Replace the word
a working
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 can bring our
Use synonyms
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
 into real
life
Use synonyms
. There I no doubt that almost all of our fantasy thinking
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 unreal, at least with the recent technology and knowledge. And the action of working is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fundamental
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these progresses; thereby, indirectly
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
 or
dream
Use synonyms
been
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 done.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently, Apple has introduced a new product – Apple VR Glasses – the first step caching up with the imaginary technology of Tony Stark, who is the main character of Marvel Iron
man
Capitalize word
Man
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, though
this
Linking Words
 statement shows people would always choose not to
work
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of a
life
Use synonyms
 without
work
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 author thinks that the opposite is true
due to
Linking Words
 the necessity
pf
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in normal
life
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 the opportunity it
created
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 to follow our
Use synonyms
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, the essay could benefit from more clearly defined paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a single main point. Ensure that every paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
The essay frequently has grammatical errors and awkward expressions. Working on grammar and vocabulary will help enhance the clarity of your writing. Consider using tools like Grammarly or seeking feedback from a proficient English speaker to help identify and correct these mistakes.
task achievement
Adding more relevant and specific examples can strengthen your main points. Ensure that each example clearly supports the argument being made in the paragraph. Try to use real-world examples or well-known facts to substantiate your claims.
introduction conclusion present
You've made a clear attempt to outline your position both in the introduction and the conclusion, which provides a good framework for the reader.
relevant specific examples
The essay attempts to provide examples to support its points, which is commendable. Using relevant examples can significantly improve the effectiveness of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: