When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
According to
a survey, people would live a life
without working rather than working in
Change preposition
apply
the
whole Change the word
their
life
. This
author disapproves of it because working is a necessary activity of
live and to bring our Change preposition
to
dream
in real life
.
On the one hand, it is vital to acknowledge that working plays an important role in maintaining normal life
. Particularly, a life
is involved and depend
on food, drink, Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
safe
place to sleep, and Correct article usage
a safe
suitable
environment. Correct article usage
a suitable
However
, those are unrenewable if they are destroyed or run out of. Therefore
, creatures have to work
for themselves to maintain them to supply enough to meet their demands. For example
, inhabitants of China in the past had stopped growing plants and animals for food since they thought they could import enough for them to use, that
led to Correct pronoun usage
which
financial
crisis and famine in Correct article usage
a financial
this
country.
On the other hand
, full-working
Replace the word
a working
life
can bring our dream
into real Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
life
. There I no doubt that almost all of our fantasy thinking are
unreal, at least with the recent technology and knowledge. And the action of working is Change the verb form
is
the
fundamental Correct article usage
apply
of
these progresses; thereby, indirectly Change preposition
to
let
or Wrong verb form
letting
dream
been
done. Wrong verb form
be
For instance
, recently, Apple has introduced a new product – Apple VR Glasses – the first step caching up with the imaginary technology of Tony Stark, who is the main character of Marvel Iron man
.
Capitalize word
Man
To conclude
, though this
statement shows people would always choose not to work
instead
of a life
without work
, this
author thinks that the opposite is true due to
the necessity pf
Correct your spelling
of
work
in normal life
and also
the opportunity it created
to follow our Wrong verb form
creates
dream
.Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, the essay could benefit from more clearly defined paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a single main point. Ensure that every paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
The essay frequently has grammatical errors and awkward expressions. Working on grammar and vocabulary will help enhance the clarity of your writing. Consider using tools like Grammarly or seeking feedback from a proficient English speaker to help identify and correct these mistakes.
task achievement
Adding more relevant and specific examples can strengthen your main points. Ensure that each example clearly supports the argument being made in the paragraph. Try to use real-world examples or well-known facts to substantiate your claims.
introduction conclusion present
You've made a clear attempt to outline your position both in the introduction and the conclusion, which provides a good framework for the reader.
relevant specific examples
The essay attempts to provide examples to support its points, which is commendable. Using relevant examples can significantly improve the effectiveness of your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?