IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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There are plenty of views about the answer
for
Change preposition
to
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 choosing a life that
individuals
Use synonyms
 do not
necessary
Change the word
necessarily
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 to work and work for their whole lives,
however
Linking Words
, citizens mostly
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 the more comfortable one. The writer disagrees with the statement because of the
lack
Use synonyms
 of
services
Use synonyms
 and exhaustion of
energy
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 there
is
Wrong verb form
being
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 none of
Use synonyms
individuals
Add an article
the individuals
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run
Wrong verb form
running
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 the occupation. Beginning with the primary drawbacks of living without employment, there are going to stop every public
Use synonyms
services
Change to a singular noun
service
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 in the world
due to
Linking Words
 the
lack
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 to run the
services
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, when all of the
individuals
Use synonyms
 find that it is not compulsory for them to operate, the companies and factories will
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sufficient
employees
Use synonyms
 to run the machine.
As a result
Linking Words
, there will not
any
Add a missing verb
be any
show examples
services
Use synonyms
 or consuming
energy
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as electricity.
However
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 can return to the ancient period because there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no transportation or
energy
Use synonyms
 to run the daily devices. Another point is that the
lack
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 can be a cause of exhaustion of
energy
Use synonyms
. Obviously, when people do not have renewable
energy
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as water,
solar
Correct word choice
or solar
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energy
Use synonyms
, they have to deforest to get enough wood to burn as a solution to get
energy
Use synonyms
 to cook or keep warm.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the vast majority of effective
energy
Use synonyms
 can be wasted because of not getting exploitation like coal so the problems can decrease the speed of the development of the countries. In conclusion, having a life without work can make everyone feel
relax
Change the form of the verb
relaxed
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 but it can cause many problems
such
Linking Words
 as disappearance of the
services
Use synonyms
 and the exhaustion of
energy
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the
lack
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 to run the machines.

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task response
To enhance task achievement, ensure that your main points are illustrated with more specific examples and concrete evidence. This will make your argument more compelling and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure by making your transitions smoother and more evident through the use of linking words and phrases. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Work on paragraph development by ensuring each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and remains focused on a single idea. This will improve the clarity and coherence of your writing.
task response
Your essay correctly identifies potential problems of a life without work, providing a clear stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
You have a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion in place, which gives your essay a coherent flow.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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