IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily new in one country in 2011

#media #people #age #groups #country
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The bar chart shows the change of ages who
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 daily news in
a
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an
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 unknown country by 2011. Generally speaking,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
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 percentage of
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged 10 to over 65, unpopularly used microblogging,
whereas
Linking Words
, radio
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was favored
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favored
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favoured
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 using by young and old.
addtionally
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Additionally
,
frequency
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the frequency
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 of exerting social media decreased throughout the
age
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 groups.
initially
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged 10 to 29, account for 80%
the
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of the
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quanlity
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quality
quantity
 of dwellers in
this
Linking Words
 country, the 18-29
age
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 group show just over 90% of
people
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 who
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 radio which
2.25
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is 2.25
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time
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times
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 the proportion of
teenager
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teenagers
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 at the same device. in
additon
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addition
, solely account for around 20% of short
blogger
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bloggers
show examples
 which belongs to 10-29-year-olds. Moving on to the percentage of
people
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 who were 30-65, it can be seen that 50%
online
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of online
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 community
user
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users
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 who were 30-49 declined gradually
10
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to 10
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% throughout
the
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apply
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every different
age
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groups
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group
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. in spite of the 30-49
age
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 group to the elder all account for about 90% of
population
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the population
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 in
this
Linking Words
 country, the
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged 30-49
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 around nearly 20%
minipost
Correct your spelling
mini post
mini-post
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 after which 15% and 10% of using microblogging which belongs to dweller were 50-64 and the old respectively.
finally
Linking Words
, the figure of cyber connection participants shows exactly 40% which
double
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is double
show examples
 the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who aged above 65, use the same
equiment
Correct your spelling
equipment
.
Submitted by bsphongplg on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure. Ensure that you have distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and proper sentence formation. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical issues.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to support your main points. This will help in achieving a higher score.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an attempt to describe data and trends, which is a good start.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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