IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of time, people always choose not to work. do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, many
people
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 are asked to work most of their lives or enjoy lives without working, and the majority of them often choose the latter option. The writer completely disagrees with
this
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 statement because of several reasons which will be explained in
this
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 essay. It must be acknowledged that spending
time
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 working would benefit individuals, particularly the workers. There is no doubt that
people
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 now can easily gain experience and some soft
skills
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 related to their social aspects.
For instance
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, throughout the working environment,
people
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 have to face many social problems from customers, who always feel
skeptical
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sceptical
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 about the products of these companies, so the staff must have the communication
skills
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 to convince these demanding
people
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.
Therefore
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, if employees did not gain enough
skills
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 or experience to deal with these social issues, they would lose money for their businesses. Another reason why
people
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 should work over a period of
time
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 is the improvement in
people
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’s physical
health
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. Undoubtedly,
people
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 who always enjoy life without working, which leads to
the
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apply
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sedentary lifestyles associated with different harmful effects on
people
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’s
health
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.
According to
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 much research, it is proved that non-working
people
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 who stay at home without working are highly get some chronic diseases
such
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 as heart problems and obesity, which will significantly decrease the total lifespan in society.
Thus
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, individuals who choose to work most of their
time
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 could create a certain schedule
instead
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 of staying at home, which would help them prevent many severe impacts. In conclusion, it is obvious that enjoying
a
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apply
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life without working will bring many detrimental influences on both mental and physical
health
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, so I argue that individuals would achieve many
skills
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 and
also
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 better
health
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 if they tended to spend most of their
time
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 working to earn money.

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relevant specific examples
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your main points. The current examples are a bit general and could be more detailed to give a stronger support to your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed. Some arguments seem to be cut short and could use more elaboration to enhance the overall clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay.
complete response
It’s necessary to fully address all parts of the task. Try to consider counter-arguments or different perspectives to show a thorough understanding of the topic.
logical structure
The essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments presented.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the essay well and provide closure to the arguments made.
supported main points
The main points are generally supported, although more specific examples could improve the support provided.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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