IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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In the modern
world
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, a majority of
countries
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 tend to develop their agriculture system.
However
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, it does not work, there are large numbers of
people
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 around the
world
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 still in
famine
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.
This
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 essay will look at the causes of
this
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 problem and the way to tackle
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, the agricultural system has taken a high position in the competitive
world
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.
However
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, agriculture depends on a geographical position.
Due to
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this
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, in some
countries
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 they can not cultivate the harvests
thus
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people
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 go to
famine
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.
In addition
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 in some
countries
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, where there is water pollution or shortage. From
this
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,
countries
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 can not manufacture some products,
then
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 they have to export those products from other
countries
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, and all of the
export's
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export
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 products tend to be expensive
therefore
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,
people
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 whose standard of living is poor, can not purchase that food chain. There are some solutions to tackle
this
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 issue.
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At
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In
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 the first stage, the government's participation has greatly
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
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on
Change preposition
apply
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this
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 problem. The governments have to consider the citizens' standard of living. If the livelihood is bad, the government will do some project to improve
citizen's
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
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 livelihood,
such
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 as,
add
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adding
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 a workplace to suit disabled
people
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 and others, and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 to give allowance.
Furthermore
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, individuals and the government
working
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work
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 together to save or clean the environment.
Also
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, farmers have to relax the soil to harvest more.
To sum up
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, to get rid of
famine
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people
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 from all over the
world
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 have to save the environment or do some projects to help
people
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 who go hungry. If all
people
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 are conscious ,
famine
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 will decrease.

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task achievement
Clarify some of the points you make and add specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, when discussing geographical limitations, mention specific regions that suffer from these problems.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to make your ideas clearer and more cohesive. For example, use varied sentence lengths and structures to maintain reader interest and clarify complex points.
coherence cohesion
You included a clear introduction and conclusion in your essay, which frames your discussion effectively.
task achievement
You identified relevant issues related to agriculture and hunger, and suggested practical solutions.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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