Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lives #celebrities #media

There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate about whether the

lives

of famous

people

should be exposed in the

media

or not.

While

this

phenomenon has both pros and cons, I would contend that it is ideal to combine both sides. Without a shadow of a doubt, some discuss that sharing the personal

lives

of celebrities in the

media

offers several drawbacks. Concerning the former, the more information is exposed to the public, the more risks famous

people

might face. A good example of

this

phenomenon is some criminals and stalkers may follow them and their families to their houses and send distinctive anonymous letters to threaten. The second point is to make up stories from haters and get body-shaming easily. Not only do some have mental health, but they

also

get depression or anxiety. In Indonesia

for example

, in 2017 there was a celebrity called Ariel who just got depressed and attempted to commit suicide because he could not hold the amount of hate comments coming to his family's private social

media

On the other hand

, the personal

lives

of famous

people

should be shown through the

media

That is

, there are

such

people

in the world whose

lives

and actions are a motivation for

people

For instance

, Jack Ma Yun is a Chinese business magnate, investor and philanthropist. He is the co-founder of Alibaba Group, a multinational technology conglomerate. In 2017, Ma was ranked second in the annual "World's 50 Greatest Leaders" list by Fortune. He has widely been considered as an informal global ambassador in Chinese business circles

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and has continued to remain an influential figure in the Chinese business community and scene of startup companies.

This

person's life path will be a real example for the younger generation. In conclusion, sharing the personal less of celebrities with the public partially contributes to enhancing the relationships between fans and them. I agree that they should not show their daily routine on several

media

platforms as it causes potential downsides.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Mon Jun 03 2024

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task achievement

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coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it could benefit from more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas. This would make your essay more coherent and cohesive.

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Some of your ideas are clear and well-expressed, but there are moments when the essay could benefit from more precise vocabulary and more complex sentence structures. This would improve the clarity and depth of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.

task achievement

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coherence cohesion

Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

334 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Invasion of privacy
Media scrutiny
Public persona
Personal autonomy
Sensationalism
Paparazzi
Tabloid journalism
Right to privacy
Mental well-being
Public interest
Ethical journalism
Celebrity culture
Gossip columns

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