Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate about whether the
lives
of famous people
should be exposed in the media
or not. While
this
phenomenon has both pros and cons, I would contend that it is ideal to combine both sides.
Without a shadow of a doubt, some discuss that sharing the personal lives
of celebrities in the media
offers several drawbacks. Concerning the former, the more information is exposed to the public, the more risks famous people
might face. A good example of this
phenomenon is some criminals and stalkers may follow them and their families to their houses and send distinctive anonymous letters to threaten. The second point is to make up stories from haters and get body-shaming easily. Not only do some have mental health, but they also
get depression or anxiety. In Indonesia for example
, in 2017 there was a celebrity called Ariel who just got depressed and attempted to commit suicide because he could not hold the amount of hate comments coming to his family's private social media
.
On the other hand
, the personal lives
of famous people
should be shown through the media
. That is
, there are such
people
in the world whose lives
and actions are a motivation for people
. For instance
, Jack Ma Yun is a Chinese business magnate, investor and philanthropist. He is the co-founder of Alibaba Group, a multinational technology conglomerate. In 2017, Ma was ranked second in the annual "World's 50 Greatest Leaders" list by Fortune. He has widely been considered as an informal global ambassador in Chinese business circles,
and has continued to remain an influential figure in the Chinese business community and scene of startup companies. Remove the comma
apply
This
person's life path will be a real example for the younger generation.
In conclusion, sharing the personal less of celebrities with the public partially contributes to enhancing the relationships between fans and them. I agree that they should not show their daily routine on several media
platforms as it causes potential downsides.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a balanced view on the topic, which is good. However, your argument could be strengthened by providing more detailed explanations and examples for each point. This would enhance the completeness and relevance of your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it could benefit from more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas. This would make your essay more coherent and cohesive.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are clear and well-expressed, but there are moments when the essay could benefit from more precise vocabulary and more complex sentence structures. This would improve the clarity and depth of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
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