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Band 1.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #effects #skills
Increase
Correct article usage
The increase
show examples
 in
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
computers
 and mobile phone technology has reached
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 peak and there are many negative implications which
effects
Change the verb form
effect
show examples
 young people, especially when it comes to reading and writing skills. There are pros and cons
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 statement and I would like to
further
 delve into
this
 essay. Advanced
use
 of technology
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
, more people have access to
computers
 and mobile phones. Internet
medium
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
 provides vast resources when it comes to exploring a certain topic or
need
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
 assistance with school work,
therefore
, reliance on reading a paper or book
overides
Correct your spelling
overrides
 the need to
use
.
In contrast
,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
computers
 and mobile phones
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
, that people are more reluctant to
use
 a pen and paper to write an essay or letter. In conclusion, though there are advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
computers
 and mobile phones, the need to write and read a book has seen a huge reduction.
Submitted by sejal.h on

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task achievement
Expand on your points more thoroughly. Provide additional supporting details and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structure to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. This will help in making your essay more cohesive and logically structured.
grammar vocabulary
Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentences to enhance the quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which are well-presented and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The essay responds to the prompt and covers both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the task.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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